Friday, May 03, 2013
You know why it is good to be part of a community? Cuz just when you fall down and think there is no way to get up someone points out the obvious.
I'm pretty smart, but life side smacked me and then steam rolled me.
I use to log exercise and food daily.
I use to weight myself at least weekly and track it.
I use to be a hopeful person even in the face of hardship.
I got myself painted into a corner and my emotional edges cracked today. I stood up for boundaries with my mother today and hurt her feeling. I was suppose to have my father's obituary written today and didn't to hard to write. Ok I was feeling really sorry for myself...everyone has been dying and I so want to be done with death for awhile, budget has been super tight and it just makes it really stressful to be social when you have to watch every gallon of gas, sip ice tea and pretend it is for diet reasons when you are really hunger and you can't afford eating out, when you want to weigh yourself and see how far you've gone on your Nustep, but can't log it until you get batteries, and I'm still feeling soooo tired. The blood work is all normal...except for the inflammatory RA markers...which are always off with me.
So let's have a good news fest:
My iron level was prefect, so even with not logging I've learned to keep my iron levels right for Three Years without phlebotomy...having hemochromatosis.
My Vitamin D level was good, first Spring in five years to be that way (ok this winter rather than 1,000 I did 2,000 every other day).
My B-12 was fine..usually run a little low and is was good.
My daughter is moving and didn't need two vacuums, so she brought me her old vacuum which will make puppy hair clean up so much easier than sweeping with a broom and then vacuuming with my old piece of ______.
My puppy is starting (for him) settling down. Working on a new trick of sit up.
And I had a community member kick my butt with the advice to set goals.
At first I felt upset inside...how can I set goals? I know the lifestyle that gets me well I just don't have control of my life right now... not my time, my budget, my thoughts.
Then it clicked. WHAT CAN I CONTROL..WHAT SMALL THING CAN I DO ON MY WAY TO GETTING BACK? Butt kicks remind us that the world is not all or nothing. It is the Spark concept of "just 10 minutes".
Here is what I can control:
I can start logging my food again, others will just have to understand that my menus are based upon what is left in my cupboards rather than any health logic -- thank goodness I have mostly healthy stuff on the shelves.
I can set a timer while I do my Nustep and log minutes...I won't know calorie burn or mileage but I'll be doing the work.
I can start foraging again for wild greens...it will get me some fresh produce and a walk.
I can set my alarm for 4am and still write my dad's obituary and make the 8am deadline...after a fresh night of sleep it should be easier.
Tomorrow starts a new day.