Thursday, May 02, 2013
so i seriously have an eating disorder. i don't know what i'm doing over here, but i know i'm not trying to get it in order. i feel like i am getting worse and worse and hoping for what? an intervention? something really bad to happen? a doctor to tell me what i should do?
about a week ago, i realized i was really eating out of control, and had been for some time. i told myself, in order to be more accountable, i need to start tracking. i wasn't responsible enough to eat without tracking. usually when i track, i start out tracking a high number, but gradually i get lower and lower, and eventually teeter towards my sparkpeople recommended calories. but this week, i'm just eating more and more. i'm feeling disgustingly full and i'm seriously ashamed of myself.
i just went for a walk (it's 9pm) because i'm so full i feel like i can't even sleep, but i just waddled around, saw a few skunks and had to come back inside. my gym membership is expiring in a few weeks, and i know i need to get more active, and practice a lot more self control with my eating, but as of right now i seriously don't know what's going to get me from here to there.
i kind of want to be back in the midst of a BLC challenge, but i find those challenges a bit too overwhelming. i seriously can't focus on 12 things at the same time AND post every day as well. My take away from those things were chatting with people who knew something about weight loss and all of their support, and focusing on ONE THING PER WEEK. Like, this week eat 4 veggies a day, next week workout as much as you can. I like that. But generally, it's much more time consuming than that. Ain't nobody got time for that!
So i need help, and i decided posting a blog was a good way to reach out and at least admit to myself that it's not going well, and acknowledging that something has to change.
i'm going to shop around the site and see if there is anything out there that looks good.