Last night my husband and I went out for dinner, And knowing ahead of time that we were going to be doing this, I parcelled out my calories very carefully throughout the day, thus allowing a few extra for dinner. I was famished by the time we got there, and thoroughly enjoyed my leafy green salad of baby spinach greens, vinaigrette dressing, and grilled salmon. I stuck with lemon water, even though all cocktails were $2 off last night.
Besides, I was saving room for a slice of their flourless chocolate cake for dessert.
And all of this probably sounds fairly mundane to anyone who has a normal relationship with food. Which I don't. Or at least, I haven't ever had in the past. I would like to think that I do now. And maybe I can't go so far as to call it "normal" but it is certainly healthier, and that at least is a good start.
You see, I have lost weight soooooo many times in my life. Over and over and over again and again. It's enough to make a person cry.
And it actually has made me cry upon more than one occasion. But, this time around it feels different. I think mostly because I am doing it for me this time. Well, that and also because I hit rock bottom a few years ago. Strangely enough my low point had very little, if anything, to do with my weight. Suffice it to say, depression is a bitch. It is a very dark and lonely place, and ignoring it does NOT make the problem go away.
It took me a couple of years to get my mind into a much better place. And now that I have done so I find that I look at a lot of things in my life differently. I appreciate it so much more. ALL of it. The good days as well as the stressful ones. And it has also provided me with a new outlook on food. Eating is not meant to be a battle. It isn't meant to be used as a punishment and reward system. It is the stuff of life. Celebrate and nourish with good, healthy food. And the occasional slice of flourless chocolate cake.
O.k., o.k., o.k. I am still a bit of a sugar addict. Guilty as charged.
But I am also finding that I crave vegetables. I feel a bit off kilter if I don't have my daily quota of leafy greens. In short, it has become a habit. This is HUGE. As in a really big deal. I never changed my habits in previous weight loss attempts. I just starved myself for a few months. Not a method I would recommend by the way.
Hmmmm, that was a bit of a blather there. So, where was I??? Oh yes. Lean and mean. I tempted fate this morning by stepping on the scale, even though my official weigh in day was yesterday, and my weight had stayed the same as of yesterday morning. However, I was rewarded for my bravery. I have officially lost 10.4 pounds. Reward time.
And now to look forward to the next 10.