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I don't know.

Thursday, May 02, 2013

I'm here again. I can't remember when I last posted. My life is kind of a blur, seriously. I get home and don't really know how the time flies and then suddenly I've passed out from exhaustion. It's annoying.

My doctor prescribed a new vitamin. It's green and stinks and makes my stomach hurt when I take it. However, I have been gradually feeling a little better and more sturdy. I also started taking the vitamin d and b12, and iron supplements again.

I've got to go get my bloodwork over with. I finally called for my allergist apt. It's next Saturday at 1030am. I've been avoiding it because I have a 15 dollar copay but the hives sprouting over my arms and legs are aggravating me. If I'm allergic to something I might as well find out. I'm starting to think I might be allergic to chocolate but hope that's not so.

I weighed 309 yesterday and don't know about today because I will have to replace the battery. Laundry will wait until next week too because I overspent on groceries and really have to be more conscientous. I spent 84 bucks on groceries because there was nothing in the fridge.. we went to aldis and also took advantage of hot dogs for 1.99 at shoprite. Gah!!

Sometimes I think the incredibly tight budget I roll with is going to make me lose weight on its own.

I'm going to start taking my son to the park because he is getting stir crazy and the weather is finally getting nicer. Just that when I come out of the office all I want to do is curl up in a ball and eat and pass out. Oi. Every night I come out with the intent of going and every night I eat dinner and change my mind. I'm hoping this improves as time passes and I continue taking all my vitamins and crap.

I think someone in my office had bariatric surgery and she looks amazing. I know I've come a certain amount of far, but it's no longer good enough for me. I feel my old self loathing at the person I see in the mirror. Meh.

I wonder if I'll ever feel comfortable in my own skin.


Member Comments About This Blog Post:
LOVINGAFRICA 5/4/2013 7:29AM

    Only allow the voice and words in your mind when you speak to yourself that you would use to your best friend. If you can, listen to SPARK RADIO, start at episode 1, if it is easy for you. They have helped me with my bad self talk.
(Very top of your start page, the second from the left is Articles & Videos. Third from the bottom after clicking that is SPARK RADIO.
Hang in there

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SHARBEAR100 5/2/2013 4:07PM

    It's really hard for me to leave the house again after I get home from work. Maybe you can put together a cold dinner ahead of time and just grab it and your family as soon as you get home and go eat in the park. Don't sit down! If I do, I'll never leave. Ha, ha. The sun and beautiful surroundings might help calm some of your stress for a little while. Getting the right medical treatment will help a lot too. Hang in there. You're doing great.

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JENSTRESS 5/2/2013 3:12PM

    I think you will, you just have to get there. Accept yourslef now, love yourself now, make goals for loss.

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