Thursday, May 02, 2013
Warning: This may just be a rant. I don't feel like I complain that much on my blog, except about how I, myself have let me down but this entry, my friends, is going to be a different story.
It actually started from the beginning. When my husband and I met, I weighed a svelt 142 pounds. I fit into a size 10 and I knew wholeheartedly that I was d.amn sexy. Over the past decade, hubby has seen me gain 100 pounds and only lose 30 of them. I try to put myself in his position and think about how he feels. And then I remember that it is actually not that difficult, because I have been there. Hubby weighed 145 when we met and as of last year got up to 218. See any similarities? Now, due to a lifestyle change that didn't involve any exercise or change in eating habits (ahem, he quit drinking beer, ahem), hubby is now back in the 170's and feels very comfortable there.He must have been underweight in the 140s because he looks pretty perfect where he is at now.
A couple of years ago, hubby started suggesting strange methods that he thought I should do in an effort to lose weight. Now, I love my hubby and I feel badly that I am posting this for all to read, but I just need to put it out there and get some support in return. I feel lost and hurt and betrayed and weak as a result of the 'support' my hubby is trying to give me.
First, he suggested that I begin to smoke as a way to lose weight. Just for the length of time it took to lose the weight and then I could stop and live skinny and smoke free. No joke guys, this has been suggested.
He has also suggested that I get the lap band and gastric bypass. This made me cry and he apologized afterwards for suggesting it. Although he continues to bring up the idea occasionally. I have tried to explain how I felt that it wouldn't really fix the problem (which I feel is emotional more than anything) but he just doesn't seem to get it.
Recently, hubs has brought home Nopalina, which he saw on a commercial and guaranteed weight loss. It also has Senna in it, which is incredibly addictive and horrible for you in large amounts. Sigh. He was pre-making 32 oz water bottles of this stuff for me to go to work with. I dumped it for a few days and then told him it was making me feel sick.
Two days ago, he came home with a two piece exercise suit that looked to be made of spaceman material. It was a sweatsuit that he thought I should wear while exercising to increase my weight loss. I couldn't think of doing anything any more embarrassing. I keep picturing myself strutting around in the gym with that thing on. Shudder.
Today he saw one of our mutual friend's picture on Facebook. She had lost 18 pounds over two weeks doing an all juice diet. I bet you can guess what he did. Yep, he wanted me to jump on that bandwagon as well.
I have tried to convince him that these methods are not going to work for me but he just will not listen. And then I begin to get down on myself. The method I have chosen isn't working as well. I haven't lost a significant amount of weight in over a year. Of course he doesn't believe in my course of action. It isn't getting it done.
Like I said, this is a pity party post. And I've got to say, I am feeling pretty sad for myself right now. I love my husband very much, but I feel very alienated by him at this point. I won't change in front of him, I sleep pretty covered up and sexy time has pretty much become non-existent. He just doesn't understand. He will make these suggestions and then say that I am perfect that way that I am. Or if I become defensive, he will just say that I am actually upset with myself and taking it out on him. H.ell, I might be. Who knows.
I don't know how to keep going on this journey and actually get him on board and believing in me. I want to prove that I can do this without any magic tricks or scary solutions. But I can't seem to. Do you have to have a strong support system in order to be successful? Where do I get one?
Thanks for listening.