Parents-where they fit in with the weight issue.
Thursday, May 02, 2013
In my favorite group we got onto the subject of an emotional baggage. If our parents play a role in the weight department. Believe me I'm not saying my parents caused me to eat and eat and to gain weight. I know that I have control over what happens to me. Though I realize I do have a control problem. I let people effect my emotional and physical self. One of my ultimate hangups is how people view me. But did they play a role in the emotional part of the weight gain. The answer to that question is of course they did to some degree.
I was always a chubby kid not quite obese but not skinny either. I was always a little bigger than the other girls. (The average) In Junior High I started to get breasts. I was a C cup my 7th grade. It caused a bunch of unwanted stares from boys and girls. My weight had started to form then. Mostly because I was buying baggier clothes and stayed with my head in a book. I did try and go out for volleyball and in the middle of practice had the coach demonstrate to pick my arms up and place them over my breasts. It was needless to say horrific for me. One of the most embarrassing stories I remember to this day.
The other is being told by my father that I was a whore. I was 14 years old and he thought that my boyfriend and I were having sex. He was older than I was and of course that is what he wanted but I was dumped because I wouldn't. But to have my dad say this to me is something that I still can't forget. It's been almost 20 years and I can still here him say that clear as a bell. After that relationship and comment I really started packing on the pounds. I was trying not to get noticed by boys or my father. Stayed holed up in my room reading when I wasn't in school. At first I didn't even notice when the weight started coming on. Then I looked down my senior year of HS and noticed I was wearing a size 26. How does a 16 year old get to be almost 300lbs?
My dad has always made fat jokes sometimes at me. He still does till this day. What's funny to me is that he isn't a skinny guy by no means. He used to be but not now or then when I was gaining all the weight for the first time. But he really has a fat phobia. In fact he told me the last time I saw him I could go weeks without eating. I think I have become numb to him or I just push it deep inside and when I start really thinking about things let the hurt come out. My mom used to be a buffer between us. She really never had anything harsh to say about the weight. Just that when I was losing weight she would say how good I looked. My mom was the food pusher though being as skinny as she was she could eat anything which meant she thought I could as well. Not to mention when she was full she would offer me hers. But saying no was an option sometimes I did it and sometimes I didn't.
I started losing weight the second half of my senior year. I got down to 212 and then I started going out with Brandon(my husband). Got happy and moved out and then next thing I know we were eating out a whole lot and I gained everything back and then some. I pretty much have been about the same size for 10 years. Right when my mom got diagnosed with cancer I got up into the 400 mark. That's when I knew I had to do something. So both my husband and me are making the change in our lives.
So far I have lost 79lbs. It's been a long journey and it's not over nor will it ever be. I'm never going to be one of those people who can eat anything and not gain weight. It's really just a new way to look at life. I know that holding onto things or blaming our parents isn't something we can afford to do. The thing to do is to forgive. Forgive them and most importantly yourself. That is what's hard to do. Some days are more of a struggle than others. But that's life!
Member Comments About This Blog Post
Thank you for sharing your story. It really goes to show that words can do more damage than people realize.
You are truly an amazing and inspiring person.
1516 days ago
Thank you for sharing your story Christina- you are awesome :)
1541 days ago
Thank you for sharing your story, your strength shows through your words and actions -- 79 lbs. is amazing. Words really are weapons, and they can be so hurtful. I hope you are finding peace and healing through this journey too. Love you!
1542 days ago
Congrats on losing 79lbs!!
I wish that I had made better food choices for my kids when they were young.............if I only knew then what I knew now!
1543 days ago
Thanks for sharing your story. I shared some of mine on the team chat thread a few minutes ago. This discussion really brought up a lot for me. One thing I have learned in the past few years though is to keep working on forgiveness Not for the sake of the ones that hurt me, but for my own sake. When I don't, and I hold on the anger and bitterness (whether I have a right to those feelings or not) it hurts me more than it hurts them. I had to work on forgiving my mom for a lot of things so that I could have peace, not so that she could. She is gone now, but even before she passed away 4 years ago I was working on letting go so that I could get rid of that dark, angry, bitter person inside of me. I think that's a lot of why the Bible talks about forgiveness. Not so much for the other person, but for our own healing. It took me a long long time to realize that. And forgiveness is a process. It doesn't happen overnight, but bit by bit chipping away and letting go of what is killing me on the inside and doing so much more to me than to the person I'm angry at.
You are doing an awesome job! You have come a long way and every day you are growing and changing and inspiring!
1543 days ago
You are so awesome!
It is hard to let go of the past- past hurts and upsets. I know I wish my mom had dome more for me. I was skinny- too skinny- so she made me sit and eat. I learned that eating until you are stuffed and uncomfortable was the thing to do...and I have struggled ever since.
But with every pound you lose and every step you take towards being healthier- you are closing the door on the past and opening it up to your future. Your life ahead is so much more than what is behind you- you are so young! Embrace the full, vibrant life ahead and do the best you can...and have a happy heart knowing it is easier to forgive your past than trying to change it. I am so proud of you- and I know your Mom is too! xoxoxo
1543 days ago
Thank You for sharing Christina. I became a chubby kid around 9 and stayed that way until I was 14-15 when I lost a lot of weight and felt really good, but then we moved to a different city and I ate to cope. I was a slightly overweight teen, but really gained after I moved in with my hubby and we ate fast food a lot, he was super slim and could eat anything he wanted...it eventually caught up to him too. I still struggle with staying on track but have always been so incredibly lucky to have a supportive family, I cannot imagine my dad saying things like that to me, so hurtful. I commend you for working so hard to maintain that relationship when he says such hurtful things to you, it must be so hard!
Lots of Love!
1543 days ago
You are an amazing woman that has been through a rough time. I am so proud of everything that you do!!!!!!! I love you twinsy
1543 days ago
Such a sad story, but you have evaluate your life and decided to change. Hurray for you!
1544 days ago
It is important to acknowledge the origin point of the struggle. I think it really helps identify why we have food issues in the present. Once we identify why we are eating (fear of sexual attention or a deep seated feeling of unworthiness) we can start to address those issues without food (talking, journalling, self care rituals).
1544 days ago
Forgiveness is something that is hard to do, but it sounds like you are on your way. Congrats on the 79lbs loss, and with hubby getting healthier too!
Growing up, my mom was obese and never had a healthy relationship with food. She would eat only one meal a day, eat nothing for a couple of days, then binge. We ate a lot of fast food and sweets, kool-aid and soda. But she also taught me "A colorful plate is a healthy plate". We also weren't very active, I was more interested in academics and books than sports. As a result, I was a chubby kid, wearing size 14 jeans at 12 years old. But she never said anything about my weight either way.
I'm trying to break the cycle with my own kids. For snacks, they get granola bars, yogurt, or fruit. The only have one soda a day and get only one "treat" (candy, snack cake, dessert, ice cream" a day. We have at least one veggie or fruit with every meal. We take family walks 2-3 times a week, and I walk the kids to the park a few blocks away. We do eat more fast food than I'd like (3-4 meals a week), and I'm working on changing that.
1544 days ago
Parents who are unable to appropriately express their feelings often imprint dangerous material in their children's psyches which must be overcome through persona;l growth in adulthood.
Perhaps Wayne Dyer put it best "Your mother DID like your sister better. Get over it!"
Make Today a Great Day.
1544 days ago
Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
More Blogs by POSITIVE-FORCE