T - 5
Wednesday, May 01, 2013
T - 5 days until the big surgery. I'm a little nervous, as I have a friend who just went through the surgery. She said it wasn't fun, but she's managing and she's doing normal things - like working, cooking, etc.
Aside from my birthday, I've been busting my ass trying to stay consistent with the diet/calorie range and exercise. One of the good things that's a result of this surgery - my doctor told me I am NOT to drink the week before surgery so I don't have to worry about any alcohol calories this week. That's good because I went waaaaaaayyyy too hard in the paint the night of my birthday...LOL.
Frankly, I'm really tired of having few results - and really really tired of people "judging" me when I tell them that I exercise, eat healthy, and am a runner. Just another reason why I'm having the surgery - so people won't give me the "yeah right you don't really run" look when I tell them I went out last weekend and ran a 10:15 mile for 4 miles.
I guess it's not really true to say that I haven't had any results at all, because when I started this whole journey back in 2007 I was pushing 285. But I'm still nowhere near close to where I want to be. So off to the lipo table I go...
It's interesting - I'm doing this surgery for me - but also because I'm tired of being judged. Soooo tired. And I know you shouldn't base your self worth on how others perceive you, but I want people to look at me with the "oh wow she looks like she goes to the gym/runs." And right now, I really don't feel I'm there.
Off to cook a healthy dinner. In 5 days my kangaroo pouch will be gone...forever. I'm taking a picture on Friday so I can have one last reminder of my tummy wummy (I guess that's the nickname I'm going to give it now! Funny that in thirty six years I've never named my tummy wummy).