Elisabeth Kubler-Ross lists five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally Acceptance. I have been yearning to get to this final stage of Acceptance, thinking then the grieving would end, even while knowing full well the grieving after my Du is gone will be thousands times worse. Kubler-Ross states: "Your grief is as unique as you are." So I know even if I can get to the the acceptance stage, I will still feel very sad. But perhaps it will get easier? That is my hope.
I absolutely love the comments I get here. I tried to reply to many of you, but became overwhelmed with emotions yesterday, so I stopped. But I hope you know how much it means to me to have your prayers, your concern, your good thoughts, and your friendship.
Someone told me here, that I was actually blessed to be given the opportunity to recognize how precious each day with my dear sweet husband is. Some people don't get that chance, to really appreciate that special person in their lives. When you live with someone for so long (42 years for us), you start to take them for granted and assume that they will always be there. Little habits they have can irritate you and once in a while you might be short with them in your resentment of something they have done which you consider to be inappropriate. When you find out that your time together is limited, the person and the relationship becomes so much dearer. All the petty irritation and annoyances disappear. You have a chance to remember why you married this person and spent your life with him. You get to look at him in that way you did when you first fell in love, only now it's so much deeper. There is NO LOVE like a love you have developed and has grown over a lifetime.
A few years ago I woke up to a report on the TV that someone whose name I thought I recognized had been killed in a car accident, along with two of her four sons. Then I decided I hadn't heard it right, and thought to myself, "I should call her husband, tell him what I misheard and tell him to hug his wife extra tightly tonight, since it wasn't her after all." But then I found out it WAS her and I was devastated. We were never close friends, only acquaintances, but her death and the death of two of her young boys was horrific, it was difficult to even imagine the grief that husband and the two remaining sons (one of whom had some major difficulties resulting from his injuries in the crash) were enduring. It bothered me a lot, and I thought often of the remaining family members. Over the years I would hear stories of them, from others and always wondered how they were coping. That husband did not get the chance I wanted to give him, to hug his wife, to realize how special his life with her was, to appreciate his young sons, and they were suddenly ripped from his life forever.
I do have that chance....to let Du know with my words, my actions, and my love just how important he is to me and how much I have loved our life together. As someone else here suggested, "Don't let any words of love go unspoken." That is my goal.
Acceptance....maybe I'm getting there.