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    MELODYTARYN   19,808
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Energized Finally

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

I'm not sure what my problem was yesterday but I was in a funk and couldn't find my way out of it. After such a busy and exciting practicum, I have a couple of loose ends to tie up and then I will have some time to do things that I have put aside for so long. Yesterday my mind was going in all kinds of directions, thinking of things I am now able to do like read a book for fun instead of for class or professional development or because I have to teach the novel - a book to just enjoy. I could dig out the guitar and start to play (which I have not done in almost 10 years). I could also try my dusty piano since it's been nearly 20 years since playing that. Scrapbooking is another thing I used to do and have pushed that aside for so long. I also wanted to get out and go for a walk. I also need to sort out my stuff so I can have a place for all my course related work and practicums and then get three bags ready for subbing. An early yeats bag with things that will come in handy if I am subbing, a junior high bag and a high school bag that I can just grab when I pick up sub work. I also need to work on my resume again and practice for interviews etc. I really needed to get my taxes done yesterday as it was the last day to file. My brain was just floating around from one possibility to another and I just could not focus long enough to keep it together and really do anything.
I finally summoned up all the determination within me to complete my taxes and as frustrating as it was, I got it done at 7 - well before the midnight deadline. I have done my taxes the last 10 years on the papers on the package and filed telefile. I liked that system because it worked for me. Now it costs $20 to get the paper package so I decided to efile. I found it a very frustrating process because I couldn't see all of the lines and didn't know if I was missing any deductions. I also did not find the online guide user friendly because it wasn't chronological with the lines at all. Although I changed provinces and the provincial forms were all different, it was still pretty similar to last years, so I think I did it all correctly. When I first went through the wizard to efile, I had put in all my deductions and it wanted to send it to Revenue Canada without inputting my income. That was extremely frustrating to me because I was already apprehensive but that shattered my confidence in the software. Anyway, it is filed and behind me. Maybe next year I will be more used to it.
After getting my taxes done, I found my guitar and started looking up guitar chords for songs online and found some nice songs to start practicing. I really missed music in my life (other than singing to the radio in my van) or hearing music while working out. Today, I feel more focused and ready to get some things done.

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You know you're 80's old school when you learned about anorexia nervosa, the eating disorder, after hearing about singer Karen Carpenter's death from the condition in '83 at the age of only 32. Yes I do remember hearing about it and also learning about the disorder. I remember seeing a lot of movies about her story as well. This all happened before I hit puberty so I really couldn't grasp the complexities of body image and how she could have seen herself as fat. By the time I hit puberty and had my own body image issues, it was old news. Fortunately I knew the dangers of throwing up and using diet pills and laxatives to make myself skinny. The thing is that I went the other way which really did not catch up to me until I was in my 20's. In grade 8, I really developed. In grade 7, I was the smallest one in my class, even smaller than all the boys which are typically smaller than girls at that age. That year, my hips widened, boobs appeared out of nowhere but grew to a large end B cup. It was a tough year. Because of bullying in elementary, I always hung around with boys because they would not beat me up. Suddenly my friends started to look me in the chest instead of the eyes. It made me very uncomfortable and I tried to eat to become fat so that I would not be looked at in that way. Unfortunately that did not work until my unhealthy eating habits caught up to me in my 20's. By that time, I was not trying to become fat but did not have the will power or determination to change the way I ate. Anyway. I here now trying to get healthy and as anything else in my life, better late than never.
Another note on the Carpenters. After high school, I used to go to karaoke with my friend George. Back then there were not karaoke bars around but a hotel did a country karaoke. My Dad is a musical guy and listened to "old country". I am not a fan. It takes some very witty lyrics for me to get past the twang. Now I did not mind Shania Twain, Garth Brooks and other such artists but this bar didn't have much of that. It was old country and nothing worse than karaoke of twangy old songs. Anyway, the songs I would find that I liked were of the Carpenters and I would sing that. I sure rocked the karaoke. Good times.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATSYB7 5/2/2013 5:46AM

    Sometimes after being very immersed in a busy, productive time you feel a letdown. Sounds like this is what you went through.
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Good for you for getting your taxes done!
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Hang in there--keep Sparking!
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