Wednesday, May 01, 2013
I was hoping to head into May on a good note with the tragic events in Boston in the rear-view mirror and spring weather finally arriving.
Sometimes life throws a curve ball and my family was hit with one in a major way last weekend when news spread of a cousin's suicide. He left a wife and seven children.
It was a giant kick in the stomach to all of us, especially considering this is the second suicide in my extended family in the last three years. Even more painful is the fact that my aunt has now has lost her fourth child (still born child, motorcycle accident, heart attack and now this). She's tough my aunt, a wonderful woman that does not let the world knock her down but this has to be too much to shoulder.
My cousin and his wife were with me almost daily helping me with my mom's health crises last year. His infectious laugh and smile lit up the room when he walked in and made my mom's day.
So far, no note has been found and nobody has been able to look back and say "oh yeah, I should have known." Nobody saw this coming. Going back and forth the last few days being angry and sobbing profusely I wondered if it will really helps to know why. I don't know.
I do know he had to be in some horrific amount of pain to feel this was his only option. I can't imagine what that feels like. You couldn't tell though. Another example of just because someone is smiling on the outside, doesn't mean they are not hurting on the inside.
I went for a three-mile run yesterday, cried through most of it. I must have been quite a sight. The sun was shining and I thought of his smile. I saw kids playing and remembered him as a boy. I hoped for a good life and tons of love for the children I passed.
This Saturday we will say goodbye to him. We will have to be strong for each other and get through this low point until the next high comes through. Life comes in waves. All we can do is ride the waves with as much love and dignity as we can.
And I will look for the positive in life and find something fun to blog about soon!