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KELLIEBEAN
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Gone Too Soon

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

I was hoping to head into May on a good note with the tragic events in Boston in the rear-view mirror and spring weather finally arriving.

Sometimes life throws a curve ball and my family was hit with one in a major way last weekend when news spread of a cousin's suicide. He left a wife and seven children.

It was a giant kick in the stomach to all of us, especially considering this is the second suicide in my extended family in the last three years. Even more painful is the fact that my aunt has now has lost her fourth child (still born child, motorcycle accident, heart attack and now this). She's tough my aunt, a wonderful woman that does not let the world knock her down but this has to be too much to shoulder.

My cousin and his wife were with me almost daily helping me with my mom's health crises last year. His infectious laugh and smile lit up the room when he walked in and made my mom's day.

So far, no note has been found and nobody has been able to look back and say "oh yeah, I should have known." Nobody saw this coming. Going back and forth the last few days being angry and sobbing profusely I wondered if it will really helps to know why. I don't know.

I do know he had to be in some horrific amount of pain to feel this was his only option. I can't imagine what that feels like. You couldn't tell though. Another example of just because someone is smiling on the outside, doesn't mean they are not hurting on the inside.

I went for a three-mile run yesterday, cried through most of it. I must have been quite a sight. The sun was shining and I thought of his smile. I saw kids playing and remembered him as a boy. I hoped for a good life and tons of love for the children I passed.

This Saturday we will say goodbye to him. We will have to be strong for each other and get through this low point until the next high comes through. Life comes in waves. All we can do is ride the waves with as much love and dignity as we can.

And I will look for the positive in life and find something fun to blog about soon!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v LVSHOPE
    Praying for you in the midst of your loss. I love the thought of "Life comes in waves. All we can do is ride the waves with as much love & dignity as we can." Hope the waves in your life are a bit less turbulent in the days ahead. Lindsay
    1178 days ago
  • v TORTISE110
    Hi Kellie, I had not seen your blog until today. I am so sorry. Suicide is a tough legacy. Your thoughts about the pain he must have been in rang true to me. What a tragic loss for his family. Thinking of you. Toni
    1183 days ago
  • v BECKYSFRIEND
    emoticon emoticon
    1184 days ago
  • v MNNICE
    My condolences.
    1184 days ago
  • v NEW-CAZ
    I am so sorry for your loss, sending love and prayers emoticon
    1184 days ago
  • v TATERCAT
    My condolences to you and your family. I cannot imagine how hard this is for all of you. If it feels good to run and cry, or write about it in a blog, then you should do it. Everyone has their own way of venting, and I think this is a healthy way to do it. We're all here for you if you want to blog some more. Take care.
    1184 days ago
  • v MKELLY72
    Your positive attitude may be what gets you through this --how hard it must be though--I can't even imagine what it's like to lose someone close in this way, and like you, I have never been able to imagine what kind of misery leads people to consider taking his/her own life, but it must be immense.
    You are so strong! Your family is in my prayers as you work through this tragedy and find peace somehow.
    Michelle
    1184 days ago
  • v TRAVELGRRL
    I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray for you and your family.
    1184 days ago
  • v PUPPYWHISPERS
    I am so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for his wife and seven children--my sympathies to your family.
    1184 days ago
  • v SUGAR0814
    So sorry for your loss. emoticon
    1184 days ago
  • v BIGPAWSUP
    My heart goes out to you and your family. I'm so sorry.
    1184 days ago
  • v SLIMMERJESSE
    I am so familiar with this scenario and offer my condolences to you and your family. What I have noticed is that Type A personalities are also good at concealing their internal turmoil. Whether it's pride or wanting to maintain control of themselves, there isn't a clue that anything is wrong. Sometimes they are not in pain per se; rather, an emptiness and not finding meaning on this crazy planet. In any case, it leaves those of us left behind empty, aching, confused,angry, etc. I've lost two of three children, so I can understand how your aunt feels. No matter how strong we are, it changes your life and takes part of your heart with each one. Big hug.
    1184 days ago
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