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My friend

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

Sunday evening was rough, and the days since have had their trying times. My friend who passed away the other day has always been symbol of where my life could have gone. And I think that's why his death is having such an impact on me.

He was my first boyfriend, but we were friends. Before, and eventually afterwards. No doubt that how I broke up with him was not the best (I was a young teenager, what can I say). As we went off to college, like many of my high school friends, we sort of lost touch. Four years after high school, I was recently engaged, and living at home with my parents. Went to my brothers high school graduation and ran into some friends who also had siblings graduating. One of them was my friend. We hung out some that next year before I moved south to be with my fiance (now husband). The circumstances in which I met my now husband are such that I may or may not have gone down that road. The circumstances in which I reconnected with my friend would likely not have altered. So it was a cross roads in my life.

My friend attended my wedding, but with the physical distance between us, and professional lives, we once again grew apart. In the last few years, facebook once again drew us together, along with many other high school friends. Last year we all had to deal with the sudden passing of a favorite high school teacher. A teacher who went into surgery for a somewhat routine procedure, and didn't make it.

So a lot of high school memories have been flooding back. Tough to deal with when attempting to work. Monday I did the bare minimum at work, which is very unlike me. I got more stuff done today, but once again had some issues with my one co-worker.

I know I lost my temper a couple weeks back. I've been biting my tongue. But there have now been 2 occasions where I was given incorrect information. The first time I asked a question, so even if I bring it up, it'll end up being that he misunderstood what I was asking and I should have been clearer. This morning he volunteered information to me. After I took over and attempted to follow up, I was told that information was not true. And I feel that since I lost my temper, and that my communication skills have been called into question, I don't have a leg to stand on. Frustrating doesn't even begin to cover it.

My husband has his big presentation tomorrow. Its not his masters defense, but it'll be the first time he's presenting his initial findings. He's been stressed about it for weeks, driving me insane. The past couple of days have been extremely hard. He happened to be in the room with me when I got the news Sunday afternoon, and certainly knew how upset I was. The next day, we were both at work, and ended up leaving at the same time. On the bus ride home he said I "looked sad, was everything ok?". I said it had been a tough day and of course I was sad. To which he responded "you're still sad about the news from yesterday?"

I realize that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. But really?

I considered going to Zumba Monday night, but it would have been the later class, and in between shifts, I wouldn't have gotten a lot of sleep. After rough sleep the night before due to the news, I chose rest to Zumba. No Zumba classes tonight, and I wanted to finish some things I didn't get to Sunday night.

I switch to 2 night shifts the next 2 nights, so my usual classes are out. And I have a call for the Cystic Fibrosis Walk in the morning - eeks - almost forgot about that! And I feel that I need to attend my husbands seminar tomorrow afternoon, even though it'll mean less sleep before my night shift. Oh, and did I mention I have to take our older cat to the vet Thursday morning? On top of everything else, she's been having problems. I took her in last week, and x-rays reveal a problem in her lungs - tomorrow we'll determine if the lungs are due to a heart problem or not.

We have plans Friday night that I feel somewhat obligated to do, so Friday Zumba is likely out too. Can't wait til next week when I can get back into that. My calories in are horrible (I have *not* been logging), but right now I'm just trying to get through. Saturday I'm supposed to get together with my good friend, who's navy husband just headed out to sea. She's flaked before, so I keep the expectations low, but even if we don't do what we planned (which should be a blast!), I hope to get together with her to change my surroundings.

Well since I forgot about that phone call in the morning, and now that I've realized how crazy this week still will be, I better get off the computer and get to bed.

For anyone still reading these ramblings, know I did benefit from them. Still of course have tons on my mind, but writing this all out is helping me to get things back in line - at least in my head.

Good night!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sleep without regret.... you need it!

    And Good Luck to the DH!
    1760 days ago
    So sorry to hear about your friend's passing. Nothing can ever prepare us for these types of losses, and in addition, sounds like it was untimely and unexpected!
    Please know you will be in prayers, as will his family and other loved ones, as you all come to peace with the tragedy and your loss.
    You've been having a rough go lately (I can kind of relate) and it sounds like it's just one of those seasons of "tough times". Hang in there! Be gentle with yourself and just do your best to fit exercise in when you can, as once it is behind us we always feel better!! Do easy things like drink water or eat veggies. And most of all, no beating yourself up for anything you feel you aren't doing "right"!!
    I've been away from zumba, too. Sometimes the schedule just makes exercise hard to fit in. But it's okay.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    Take care. Best of luck to your husband on his presentation! Glad you blogged it all out here in SP. It helps, as you mentioned, to get things clear.
    Hope you are having a good night's sleep.

    1761 days ago
    how to steady the ship in stormy seas...
    you can do it
    1761 days ago
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