Tuesday, April 30, 2013
There are rumors age is "just a number" and I know it's widely said "you are as young as you feel." If the latter is true, I must be 65!
My 32nd birthday is just around the corner and more so than when I hit 30, I'm feeling OLD these days. Loud music annoys me, I'm watching CNN a lot more, listening to talk radio in the car, don't want to go out late at night.... All this is either signs of maturity, or really just the inevitable 'old person' in me taking over. Not that there's anything wrong with CNN, or talk radio, or not driving after dark, but these things to me are synonymous with how I viewed my parents when I was 'young(er)' and yes, I considered them old. I guess we all quantify things differently.
The other night I found myself hurdled into an old person funk and have been trying to coax myself out of it since. While in the kitchen doing dishes, my hubby and I started talking about our plans for the future. I made a comment about wanting to leave all our old, out-dated, dingy kitchen stuff behind when we move; and make a nice big shopping trip to Bed Bath & Beyond to furnish our new place. It occured to me the dishes and 'junk' I was talking about is 'junk' becaues I've had it now for 14 years.... That's when the SHOCK wave hit me. My knees literally buckled and I had to brace myself on the counter. Say-WHA? I've had this junk for 14 YEARS? Dear god. I know people older than me are going to be telling me to quit my whining I'm not old.... But I have yet to be older, so this is old to me LOL.
This conversation about our old out-dated kitchen junk then segwayed into our oldest son (13) chiming in, saying "How do you think I feel?" As if I'm supposed to feel sorry for his young, unaged, un-sullied soul. LOL. That then sparked a conversation with him about girls, and dating, and a birds-and-the-bees-esque talk.... Okay, if I wasn't feeling old BEFORE, I definatley was now... I could have benefited from a paper bag to breath into at that point. As if that wasn't bad enough then came the talks about school. By the time I finish, I will be 37 years old. That is actually what made me the most depressed. The icing on the cake was the humor my husband found in my distress of feeling old. He asked me, after all this, if I'd like a glass of prune juice, and if I should be expecting menopause to kick in any day... LOL.
I don't wear mom jeans yet, I still like Pit Bull, I'm still known to tie one on relatively frequently, I'm not hitting up the blue-blocker store, or senior discount nights yet... But feeling like here I am at 32 just STARTING college, with 5 years before I actually start my career made me sad.. Maybe not sad, but regretful. Regretful I didn't start this sooner, when I wasn't saddled with two kids and three jobs, when I was actually capable of pulling all-nighters and still funcitoning the next day. Ce-la-vie right? It is what it is and I have to make the best of it.
I'm happy and thankful for so many things. I am ready to move forward and am really excited for the future. I'm not totally okay with how 'old' I'm feeling these days, but hopefully our girls weekend to the Casino to see Thunder From Down Under next weekend will make me feel like a boy crazed, wild, immature teenager again :)