Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Most people say they have an inner voice that tells them to do bad things, or that it's okay to go off course... my inner voice is the one keeping me on track, and sometimes it gets stamped out by my past. Yesterday I realized that the past week has gone by completely without my inner voice. I worked out, yes, but I didn't eat healthy. Eating healthy is 70% of the battle. When someone, like myself, is addicted to food in the sense that it's what has always been there when others have not, that is the hardest thing to keep up with.
Exercising is the easy part. Yeah, sometimes we get lazy or we're too tired, that's fine. But if we don't eat right, if we don't get enough fruit and vegetables, if we eat refined and processed foods instead of whole and natural foods, it really has more of an impact on our health than not exercising for a day.
We can go for a 30 minute walk, or take stairs instead of an elevator. But we eat ALL DAY. I eat all day. I have 3 meals and 2 snacks. They're more like 5 snacks because my meals aren't that big, but when you're eating as much as I am, it's really hard to keep up with always eating healthy.
Healthy takes time. Healthy and TASTY takes more time. My inner voice is the one that says, "it might take more time and effort but it will taste better, be better for you, and leave you feeling better about yourself in the end." When my inner voice is gone, that's when I'm not at my best.
So I've decided to plan my meals again. Plan dinners, track my food intake, plan to have at least 3 of the food groups in each meal, and NOT let my inner voice turn into a whisper.
There's something inside of me that wants me to fail. Whether it's fear, depression, body issues, trust issues, I don't know. I've got all of it, maybe. But I really need to let it all go. I have to be on my team from now on.
I'm glad I can blog about this stuff to get it off my chest. Sometimes this can be really hard. It's not just a case of wanting to lose weight, or wanting to look hot for the summer. But I want to like myself again. I want to be happy with myself. I want to be able to meet people and not feel judged because I judge myself. This is just as mental as it is physical... if not more.
Lately I've really been struggling. I'm hoping it will get better for a while so I can keep going.