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    ANNIKBIRNBAUM   7,862
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Something's gotta give


Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Something's gotta keep my motivation going for SparkPeople. It worked out soooo well for me a few years back, I don't know why I can't stick with it. I have surprisingly grown comfortable with my weight in the last several months, so I don't have a real motivator. But it's not even about losing weight, it's about keeping healthy. My diet has consisted of espresso and ramen noodles for the last couple months. Money is a big thing, but not enough to justify eating a crap diet.

What will motivate me?

Anyway, it's been a few months since I have written. I mentioned in a previous blog post from January that I was in the process of filing for divorce. I ended up not filing until March 11th, 2013, so it will be finalized some time in September. Who ended up footing the entire $435 filing fee on her student budget? Me. There is something to be said about freedom and its cost though. A friend told me that he spent hundreds and thousands of dollars just to get a divorce from his wife and told me I was lucky. I just still can't get over that it cost almost ten times as much as my 10 minute Vegas wedding to get out of this marriage.

My ex-husband and I are still living together until I can afford to move out and we are actually pretty friendly (that was never an issue and has not been an issue since 2010). The only times it has gotten weird was when we both decided to start dating again, although we seemed to have moved past that awkwardness fairly quickly. It was the inevitable question and jealousy pertaining to: what does that person have that I don't have? It doesn't matter anymore at this point. Other than that, I have been working. I took the semester off from school to take a mental break from everything that has been going on (good friend of mine died, $3,000 just went into my transmission, and there are still a number of other issues).

I actually have a boyfriend now. We've been hanging out for quite some time, but have only recently decided to enter "romantic relationship" territory. He's pretty incredible. His name is Ben and he is from Germany (my ex-husband is from the Czech Republic -- there seems to be a pattern here), but has lived in the US for fifteen years and is a citizen now. Well, dual citizen. He works for a major film studio here in LA and lives in Hollywood and we spend pretty much every weekend together. No relationship is ever perfect, but this is definitely the best I could have asked for -- I mean, seriously, the best guy I have ever dated. I continue to be impressed with his willingness to improve himself, his self-awareness, and the effort he makes to communicate with me and to get me to communicate with him. His open-mindedness, his consideration, his charm, and the reasonable amount of freedom he gives me, so long as I give it to him. Everything I have wanted in a partner.

Then there's the realization that this relationship will take work, effort, and consideration on both ends if we want to succeed -- and for once, in my life, I will not run away from the mental and emotional labor that is required. There will be pain, occasional teardrops, but a lot of joy (and there has been). My friends love him. My family likes him. And they continue to be surprised at how happy I have been for the last several months.

Now if I can only find similar motivation for SparkPeople. :-P
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
QUOOTIE 4/30/2013 6:37PM

    Motivation can be tricky. Sometimes you just have to fake it till you make it

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ILOVEMALI 4/30/2013 4:08PM

    Starting fresh all around! Good for you -- we can both start fresh with Spark!

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JENSTRESS 4/30/2013 3:27PM

    A lot of things come up with our lives that detract from so much more.

When I met my husband, I stopped paying attention to what I was eating and such. I just spent time with him!

Your motivation all comes from within you, and when you need it, it will be there. You kind of just have to choose to find it.

Good luck!

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