Tuesday, April 30, 2013
I never wanted to be a runner. I never wanted to be lazy but I was. Seemed that I worked hard but drove everywhere. I smoke 2 packs a day. I sometimes exercised but it was always on purpose. Like take a class not walk to work. How has it all Changed my life highlights are my Children and my exercising.
I had heard about commit to get fit and wanted to try. Started to train. Right away the wrong shoes and a steep increase lead to pain. Started again next time. I made it I ran 5km in 43 min. Seems slow now. At the time everyone cheered me on. I then thought yeah I do the 1/2 marathon my friends are. I quickly realized nope. I am way to slow and way to heavy. It was painful.
Each week I showed up. Others ran faster and harder. Some shared thier experience that always made me want to try harder. It was hard for them too.
The first week of not smoking my arms and legs burned and turned red. When I started running my face turned really red. I constantly wanted to stop after one minute. The tightness in my body the sick breathless throat. Sometimes I threw up after Spinning class from pushing to hard or eating fruit and not protein and carbs befor the work out.
I made it to the 10km run and ran, my running partner beat me I wanted her to have the "kill" I felt she needed it.
This spring I have run 4 to 5 days a week and built myself up to a long run of 11 km. Half marathon is next week. Yesterday I ran. Today I will run and while I run I will process some of this...
My son moved away to live in another province with a Relative. Okay his "real" MOM. I feel sad. I know that he appreciates me but I always feel awkward and hurt when he goes to be with her. Is it about ownership of being MOM? I just know he likely will be hurt. That also hurts he is precious to me. Is he as precious to her? Who knows for sure maybe more so maybe less. I have proven who I am, and know he knows it that I am one who loves him. Given my all every chance I was allowed. Parenting someones child has alot of restrictions never called him anything but my or ours.