Tuesday, April 30, 2013
As I reflect on the day, there is lots to be happy about. Work went well. I drove home with less traffic than what I drove to work in and snacked on celery I had packed. Dinner was a potluck a little later than we usually eat. I made a pan of enchiladas yesterday night that DH put in the oven for me.
There was tons of food at the potluck, which had a Mexican theme. I had a little of this and that, lots of fruit and guacamole, tortilla chips, etc. Then it was time for dessert--chocolate was a strong theme there. But the plates were little, and I didn't try everything. That's a big accomplishment for me.
The potluck was for about 10 couples all about my same age and also empty nesters. It was relaxing and fun. I feel like I balanced the food with the conversation. All the other women at my table were thin, but I don't feel like I ate more than they did.
You see how I am comparing myself to others? I do it all the time, with friends or even strangers I see. Are their hips bigger? How many times did they get more food from the buffet? It's not healthy, I don't live their lives or have their metabolisms, or run 5 miles every day. I need to improve the way I see myself without this continual comparison with friends or strangers.
I have two sisters, one older and one younger. We all have different personalities, and I'm sure my parents did their best to not compare us with each other, but it's inside my head. They were both skinny as kids, and I was the "chubby" one. I was also really shy. I liked to read more than play outside, which probably contributed to the chubbiness.
My mom tried to help me, she battled her weight for years. She would suggest on my way out to a birthday party, to tell the hostess I didn't care for any cake. But I could never say that to anyone, both because I was shy and because I wanted cake!
Isn't it silly I can remember that conversation! I still want cake! I don't want to be deprived when everyone else is having cake! I am still that little girl inside who wants to be rewarded for being pretty, and get approval from my mom and dad no matter what size my clothes were.
My sisters both ended being overweight along with me as adults. We are all good cooks and love to eat. They are supportive of my efforts and compliment my results. I support them in any efforts they make as well.
It's time for me to act like an adult and take responsibility for my choices in the present time, to understand that a choice to say no to cake is a choice for better health, not a punishment. I'll just have to keep working on that!