Monday, April 29, 2013
So today was a pretty good day, overall, and in more ways than one. It rained ALL weekend (I mean ALL. WEEKEND. I got home Saturday morning around 11, and it started raining as I was heading down my driveway, and it was still raining when I went to bed last night. I didn't mind it at all, though, because I actually love a rainy day when I can just stay home and wear soft, snugly clothes and relax. I find rain very, very soothing to my soul.)
ANYWAY... Today was nice and sunny and warm. Work was fine; we had a good day there. I went to the gym after work and did 30 minutes on the PreCor Elliptical! When I logged it on to my SparkPeople exercise tracker though, it showed I'd only burned 265 calories...I really burned 314. That's one thing I really don't like about SP...the calorie counter and especially the exercise tracker is not accurate, so I just don't use the calorie counter. At this point, I don't need to count calories. It's something I never, ever stick to, either, so I'm not going to waste my time and energy. I know what the heck I need to do...I just need to DO it. And I'll log my workouts on SP just to help myself keep track of when I'm working out, what I'm doing, etc.
After I got home from the gym, I started working on dinner. I made a really yummy baked ravioli casserole. While it was cooking in the oven, I hopped in the shower. Then I got out, changed into my jammies and took the casserole out of the oven. While it sat for a few minutes, I whipped up a nice salad and some garlic bread. We had a nice meal around the table and we all laughed and had a good time. I so, so, so love my little family.
We used to eat one meal a week in front of the TV. Maybe I should back up a little bit. From the time Daughter was born until she was about 3, we'd eat dinner out every Friday night. When she was 4 and in preschool, we had more bills, we were both working full-time and it was just getting expensive. If the three of us had dinner and then went to a movie, it was almost $100!! (Stupid-crazy-outrageous, right??) So, I had this idea to start doing a Family Night. Every Friday, we would make some kind of "fun" meal -- something similar to what we might have gotten had we gone out to eat -- and we'd rent movies from a little mom-n-pop video store. For every New Release you got to rent a kid's movie for free -- and that was perfect for us. I'd even get some candy from the grocery store and pop some popcorn. We did this every Friday night, and we were only spending about $30, including the movies. We'd eat our dinner in front of the kid's movie, as a family, and then we'd put Daughter to bed. Then Husband and I would stay up together and watch our movie. It was great! We did this for about a year, until i discovered Netflix. That saved us even more money, so we were doing Family Night like this every single Friday for years. We wouldn't always watch movies, though. We'd play video games, or board games...stuff like that. We all really enjoyed it...so much so that we gradually started eating more and more meals in front of the tv. The past several months (maybe even a year now), we eat just about every meal in front of the tv. I think we might have one meal a week at the table, if that. I really want us to go back to sitting around the table together for dinner. Other than the weekend, it's the only time we have to eat a meal together as a family. We're really close, so when we're all watching tv, it's not like we're not interacting (we laugh and talk the whole time and have to pause and rewind a million times because we talk so much)...but it's not the same as sitting at the table, looking into their sweet faces...so, yeah. I think it's high-time we go back to eating at the table. Heck, we can even eat at the table before the movie, then have popcorn, etc in front of the tv. I'm not even going to say anything...I'm just going to start setting the table like I did tonight, and everyone will just end up at the table.
Speaking of not saying anything, I've decided to quit looking for an email or phone call from my mother. It's just not going to come. I don't even really feel like talking to her anyway at this point. I'm not going to email or call her, either. For any reason (except of course when Mother's Day rolls around. I'm not heartless). I'm just going to let her make the effort of reconnecting, trying to get back on track and maybe she will ask me "why don't I ever hear from you anymore?" And I won't lie when I say, "Well, I've been dealing with the loss of my Gramma. I'm trying to cope with the biggest, most difficult loss of my life. What do you think? You'd know this if you'd bother to pick up a phone, or send me an email asking about things." A few years ago, I started removing some very toxic people from my life. I know I can't completely remove my mother from my life (I'm not saying I really want to do that anyway), but I do think it would be wise to distance myself from her a bit. I have my own things to be dealing with at the moment, and in the near future, and I just can't allow her hangups to become my hangups, her problems to become my problems. I have way, way too much going for me to let that happen. I have my husband, my daughter, all the animals that depend on me, the projects around the house, various personal goals, my work depends on me being healthy and happy...hell, everything does. I need to be happy and content and confident and strong so that I can properly attend to all of these wonderful things in my life. If someone or something stands in the way of me being happy and content and confident and strong...well, then, it's just got to go. Plain and simple.
It feels good to be writing again. It feels good to know I went to the gym today and worked out and ate well. It feels good knowing my house is clean and the people in it are happy and healthy. I'm starting to think that I really am going to be ok.