Monday, April 29, 2013
Looking back I see that my last blog was over a month ago. My how time flies. Right ofter the last blog I had my 3 month check with my doctor for my diabetes. She just about cried she was so happy with my progress. I was proud and I bragged about every little thing I thought was significant. She and I just talked and celebrated for the whole appointment. I left feeling lighter than air.
In three months I had gone from an A1C of 11.7 to 6.3 anything under 6 is normal. I had also managed to lose 2 pounds despite being on insulin which they told me would add 10-15 pounds overnight. My triglycerides dropped 350 points, my total cholesterol came down about 60 points. She told me I was the superstar of the month for all her patients. She wished I could talk to all her diabetic patients about what I did and how small changes really add up. She even told me that she usually sees patients back in 3 months, but because I was doing so well, she didn't want to see me for 6 months As I was leaving, the doctor noticed I had an appointment with the dietician. She said "If they don't give you credit for the hard work you have done, you call me right away".
Needless to say, I saw my 6th different dietician in that department (I am told this is unusual because supposedly once you get assigned to one, you are theirs for life) and she wasn't impressed with my improvements. She went on for 30 minutes lecturing me about how I will lose my feet and my vision and there is nothing I can do about it. Diabetes will kill me, I may as well know what is coming. I was able to tune her out and I left sort of laughing because it was so ridiculous.
I really didn't think that the dietician got to me, but apparently she did. I slacked off on my good eating, didn't test my glucose and over the next three weeks to a month I gained 10 pounds. Since then I feel like I have given up. I know I can do better than this. I know I want to do better than this. That dietician should not have this much power over what I think of myself. I keep self-sabotaging myself. I even had a girl's night out and drank more than I ever do. (Three drinks that night as opposed to the one I sometimes have). I even ended up buzz -dialing, I really can't call it drunk-dialing, a former boss and quasi friend. Crazy!!! Nothing embarrassing happened. Thank God!
Today I had a great eating day, I even went out to dinner and stayed within my calorie range, but on the way home I stopped at a gas station because I NEEDED gummy bears. I don't even like them that much, but I knew I had to have them and I am sitting here blogging and blowing my eating day eating gummy bears. (Biting their heads off first, of course, LOL!)
How do I break through? How do I get back to the feeling of power and confidence I had just a few weeks ago? I hope I am not sounding whiny. I am just so frustrated at doing the same things over and over again and not being able to figure out the key to getting everything together. I'll go now and try to get those dang gummy bears off my teeth. Thanks for listening.