Monday, April 29, 2013
I haven't blogged in a bit but I have still been trying to eat clean and move. This weekend was bad though. I know it sounds like an excuse but I have never been able to make it past the first signs of PMS without going off the handle. I'm sure my cravings aren't any worse than anyone else's. So why do I always fail at this time of the month? It's gotta be the emotional eating. I have my certain GO TO foods for when the cramps are very severe and I'm almost crying. I have to try harder. I think it might also be time for me to go back to talk therapy. I'm glad I'm on anti-depressants, but there are so many other "things" I'm confused about. My marriage, my place in this world, my inability to envision that I'll ever NOT be this heavy. I'm waiting for blood test results to see if my hormones are out of whack, esp when I'm about to get my period. I am so emotional it's scary, and it never used to be this bad. It's affecting my marriage and how I view myself. So, I guess I just wanted to check in to say I'm still here, and I'm still trying, but some weeks are easier than others. I'm hoping the week ahead will just give me a break emotionally. I don't want to make excuses. I have forgotten what it feels like to want to be tough. Emotionally, physically and mentally. The muscles for each are completely limp. But I'm truly glad I'm still here. Last Tuesday's weigh-in I lose point 4. Tomorrow we'll see the damage. I'm completed bloated and not expecting much but whatever it is, it's just one Tuesday of my life. And I'll move on.