Monday, April 29, 2013
Well here it is, almost a full third of the way through the year, and I'm no further ahead than I was at the beginning of the year. My weight is about the same as it was in the beginning of January, having bounced up and down with the same 5 pounds for nearly 4 months.
That being said, I have struggled with, and overcome illness, adjusting to a new diet because of food sensitivities, changes in medication including the addition of one which often causes weight gain (thankfully I'm only on that for another three days though), and emotional ups and downs including some bouts of mild to moderate depression. So while I haven't really lost any weight when looked at over the long term, I haven't gained any either (totally ignoring the many spikes up and down here...just looking at the overall trend for the past four months).
The one thing I have succeeded at is not giving up. I have tried, and tried, and tried again, and I will keep on trying. I continue to learn things about myself as I go through this process, and some of it really isn't that nice. But learning the not so nice things about oneself means that something can be done to change them! I've also found that I possess strength and fortitude that I didn't know I had.
Lately, the biggest thing I've realized is that I LIKE looking good. I always used to tell myself I didn't care, that being comfortable was more important than looking good. I used that as an excuse for wearing baggy, ill-fitting clothes, which I now realize was just my sad attempt at a disguise. I had myself convinced that I didn't care what other people thought or said about me, when in truth the idea that people may be judging me based on my looks made me want to hide at home and not go out in public at all.
I still dress mostly for comfort, but I no longer buy clothes that are loose and baggy. I like the fact that, even though I still have quite a bit of weight to lose, I'm one of the lucky ones that carries it such that I still have an 'hour glass' figure, at least from the front. I actually enjoy clothes shopping now. That used to be such a hated chore, and it often ended in tears. Now I'm so excited about going to the city this weekend so I can buy new clothes! And I have to say, it has definitely helped to hear my darling SO tell me that he loves what working out is doing to my backside.
I feel good about me. I have worked hard and overcome many obstacles, and I'm proud of myself for it. I still have a long pathway ahead, but that doesn't scare me the way it used to, because I KNOW I can do it!