Monday, April 29, 2013
Today, I begin the journey to physical health.
I recently read an article that compares losing weight to being stuck in traffic. Despite the negative image, it really helped me think of weight loss as something that is truly long term. You know that if you're stuck in traffic and it's taking a really long time to get where you want to go... you have 2 choices: 1) get really angry and weave through the lanes and make yourself / everyone around you crazy and miserable 2) turn on some music and sing along, call a friend and have some good laughs...
So this is how I'm going to approach this 17 lb. weight loss -- It's NOT going to take 2 weeks, or 6 weeks, or even 2 months. It's probably going to take me about 4 months. It's not really about how long it takes me. It's going to be a long journey, but it's going to be really worthwhile because to me, this weight loss is not a quick fix, and it's not just about the weight coming off. To me, this new journey is about shedding a lifetime of negative body image. It's about saying "no" to the influences of my past who have tried to render me powerless. I will not believe that voice anymore. I know that I am the only one who can lose the weight -- no one can do it for me. I know that I CAN do this. I know that I am worth the trouble I will go through.
I also know that this weight loss journey is not going to be all-consuming. It doesn't have to rule my life. I will still go out with friends, I will still write music, I will still sing and laugh. Most importantly, I need to know that I have permission to do those things even when I am not at "goal" yet. Sometimes, there is a part of me that doesn't want to hang out with friends or do the things that are "me" because I am embarrassed of the weight I gained during this period in my life. It has been a very challenging year and I'm happy to say that I'm extremely proud of myself for the growth I've attained. But, it wasn't easy! I had a very difficult break up, I started graduate school for a profession I am not sure of, I addressed issues with my parents who are alcoholics... all in one year. I didn't grow up with great coping skills, so I turned to food. I am embarrassed and tired of it. My health is really important to me. I don't know why I did it. But, I know I'm not the first one to do this and I'm not the first to change something.
I know that my friends aren't thinking bad things about me no matter how uncomfortable or embarrassed I feel and now I know that I am doing something about it. I can breathe. I can relax. I can take this one day at a time. Each choice I make leads me to goal no matter how small. And that is peace of mind.