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    CKMATHERLY   20,678
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Color run and what I've been working on...

Monday, April 29, 2013

I want to do the color vibe 5k in Raleigh. I asked the BF if he'd do it with me, then if he'd at least come watch me. He told me I shouldn't do it. That it is a waste of money and was stupid and childish.

Yeah, that hurts, a lot. He claims to know me so well, but really, when it comes to this kind of stuff he is clueless. "You should figure out why you hate yourself and stop this stupid diet and exercise stuff. You have flabby skin not fat, you'd have to have surgery to get rid of that, no amount of exercise is going to give you the body you want."

Yeah, he said that crap again too. First half of the first line isn't that bad, but it really goes down hill after that. I've lost from my heaviest ever, 50 pounds, not 500. I do not have belts of stretched out skin. I have fat. I have never been over 200, been closer than I'd like, but still. I do have old fat. It has been proven old fat is A LOT harder to lose.

Do I hate myself? A little. I can admit that and I do try and work on the mental crap, but it's VERY hard to change how I see myself. I AM doing the color run. Whether he supports me or not, well, that's up to him. I'd love for him to stop b1tching about his gut growing and maybe train with me to do it, but I can't make him.

He's insecure and I get that TRUST me, I get that. After bringing this race up he's been having nightmares about me sleeping with anything with a penis again. Really, you think that little of me? He complains about my lack of confidence, I'd love for him to get a little in our relationship.

I think I am fat and ugly and that he'll leave me in a heartbeat for someone better. Well, he tells me all the time I am not what he wants in a woman, so why wouldn't I be insecure about it. He does say that what you want is often not what you need. I on the other hand try to be supportive and be there, but I am not good at advice. He is a grown man and I will help him with anything and everything I can, but I am not good at being pro-active. Just bloody tell me or ask me. I am oblivious and often can't see things till you smack me in the face with them. Just REALLY annoyed with him right now.

Here are pictures of what little bit of costume stuff I've been working on...
95% done, need straps and backing...



Sunglasses...need more paint then detailing and gluing down.


Witch's crown...first sculpt cracked like drought ridden riverbed, so here is the second...

going to try and cast it in crystal resin then paint the back..
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POMATOJUICE 4/29/2013 11:46PM

    Color run- That's one of those things where you wear a white shirt and they throw colored powder on you as you pass markers on the race, right? I've always thought that those would be fun. Everyone gets messy! Yay! I'm sorry to hear that he isn't supporting you at all, though. Maybe this is one of the reasons why you've been in such a funk lately. It really helps when your significant other supports what you are working for. Maybe it's harder to find the motivation when he is so negative all the time.

You already know how I feel about how he treats you, so I know you don't want to hear it again for a semi-stranger. I just think you deserve better than that, and he shouldn't treat you like trash with this mental abuse all the time.

On to the costume stuff-

The detail on the lower part of the lightning shoulder turned out really well! It must have been difficult to get it symmetrical with straight lines, so way to go!

The sunglasses look pretty cool. I can't wait to see what they look like when finished. What did you make them out of? Is that the project you were talking about earlier with the foam and modpodge?

It sucks when your stuff cracks. I hate it. Especially when it's something you've been working on all day and you have to start all over again :( When I was working on my Queen Arshtat costume, I had to re-cast the jewelry twice before it started coming out right. T..T And then, I had problems with my mold tearing. It's evil, yo. I can imagine it in the clear resin, though, and I bet it'll look really cool.

Anyway, I really hope you DO get to do the color run, and you take pictures if it's one of those ones where you get super messy. :X

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_LINDA 4/29/2013 11:44AM

    I must say I can't see anything positive in your relationship with this man. He is poisoning you in your image of yourself and self confidence. What the hell is he doing with you if you are not the kind of woman he wants -that line just blows my mind!!! He is obviously insanely jealous of you trying to improve yourself, doesn't give you any trust or credit at all. Really, you deserve way, way better. If you have no ties to him (like children, owning a home) you need to give him the heave ho. You will have a heavy load lifted and you can truly focus on getting yourself healthy and on the right track that is important to YOU in life.
You are an incredibly talented woman -costume designer -your work is incredible!! That could be a career for you if you want it!!
Please take care of yourself, physically, mentally and enviromently!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SCAREWALDORF 4/29/2013 11:02AM

    Firstly: the costume looks awesome! I can't wait to see the finished product.

Secondly: Imagine I had written this blog. What would you say to me about my SO?

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SNAPSHOTSTACY 4/29/2013 10:27AM

    Oh, honey...
I don't know what to tell you.... but, maybe you should read what you wrote from an outsider's point of view & think about what advice you'd give her.
From this side, it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. :(
You are worth more than that. You deserve to be treated with respect and love and joy. Having been in a similar relationship when in was young, all I can really say is - think about it hard. Should you continue to support a relationship that the other party doesn't?

Having said that...
The costume pieces are coming along nicely!!


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