Ok, I'm about to do something that is ... not nearly as brave as all the pictures I've seen on sparkpeople but it's a huge step - for me. I'm going to share with you guys the pictures of me. The first picture is going to be from my first prom, then a picture of my (now) husband and I, then one of our prom together, then a picture of me after having my son, and then me about 10 lbs heavier than I am now but it still is pretty much how I look currently. -Deep Breath- Here I go...
Ok, the reason I put these up is to show you guys where I came from and where I'm headed now. If you'll notice in the first prom picture (sorry it is so small), though I'm leaning my head back.. it is easy to tell that I'm ridiculously skinny. Not in a flattering way. This was me right after a terrible relationship, break up, and going through the aftermath. I was trying to get to know (and get with) Daniel (whose now my husband) at the time. I won't go into the details but my ex was still a ridiculous influence in my life and he was nothing but bad to me. I had an unhealthy image of myself (for various reasons) and thought I was fat. YES. I THOUGHT I WAS FAT. -face palm- (I weighed around 110)
The next image is one of Daniel and I together. I'm still small (I was always stick small as a teen) but don't I look healthier? Again, sorry for the picture quality. Notice the prom picture of him and I together. I don't look like all bones and stretched skin. I think we look beautiful together. I was loving who I was AND my body. This was a really healthy stage for me. I wish I had pictures from when I went to college. That transition left me gaining even more weight which really wasn't a bad thing. During the beginning stages of my relationship with Daniel I went from 115 to, ultimately, 140 in college. I felt like a woman when I was at 140.
Next you'll see a picture of me after having Riley. This was probably my heaviest (other than literally right after birthing him). I was 185. My face is very full. I actually felt pretty comfortable with myself, at the time, because my husband makes me feel beautiful. There is no other way to put it. He just makes me glow and so does my son. This picture was taken after I healed up from my c-section, appendectomy, and my laparotomy. I went through 3 surgeries back to back. It was a really difficult time in my life. The last two surgeries were pretty scary. I just wanted to get healthy for My Boys so I could live a long life for them. It was a very painful time in my life and I had to work to regain all the strength that I had lost from my surgeries...
Lastly, me. Granted, this is me at 175. I'm content with life but I definitely wanted to lose weight in this picture. Notice how I'm wrapped up around myself? I'm not comfortable. I wanted to put up a recent picture of myself on FB at the time but I only wanted to show my best features. I'm now 162 and loving it! I have a picture from March of last year when I was 163 but my hair is so different. I wanted to show you guys what I look like now (ie my hair is the same as in that pic). Hopefully, sometime soon, I'll take a picture of myself now and have the strength to post it.
I know this doesn't seem like much. It isn't like I'm showing skin, but I'm showing my soul. This has been such a journey for me and these descriptions only touch the surface of what is my life. This is the first time I've had the nerve to post actual numbers of what my weights were. Also, it is the first time of putting out there all the surgeries I went through. I want to do this because I want to move forward. I want to continue to love my body and know where I came from so that when I end up where I want to be, I'm whole. So, this is me. This is my life. This is my journey :)