Monday, April 29, 2013
I'm back. I have no excuses for my absence, nor for the disturbing and embarrassing amount of excess fat I've added to my body. There are times when life is hard and stress levels are high, but everyone experiences life's unexpected curve-balls and natural low points. I think it is better to look towards the future and focus on the present than dwell unnecessarily on the past.
Why do I think this time is the last time I will slink back here with a new highest ever weight? I'm in a better place mentally than I've been in years. I've never been in a relationship as healthy and satisfying as my brand new marriage. I have family members and a wonderful husband watching me start to change and cheering me on. This time, instead of jumping on and then planning goals, I cautiously crept back to the sight after almost two weeks of cutting out refined sugar and reducing fast food.
I also know what pitfalls leave me sitting in the dust staring after the proverbial wagon. I know what changes are too fast or too much for my husband and will cause him to rebel. My future plans for a family give me new motivation that I've never had before.
And finally, I think I've beat the concept of a diet. Changes I hate for instant gratification are not conducive to lifestyle changes, and I've embraced that fact. I will eat pizza. I will go through the drive through after a particularly bad day. I will have days where frozen burritos are easier than cooking a meal. I will eat junk food before finals and drink too much caffeine when I stay up late. Pretending otherwise has only created diet plans that were personally ineffective and that led to massive guilt trips.
In fact, I'm breaking up with the concept of dieting all together. We've had a good long run together, but now our few conversations only leave me bitter and hurting. It's time to move on. I've brought realism and am shedding the idea of limiting myself. I read a quote somewhere that said a good diet is one where you eat more food. It's a good way to approach a dietary change. I'm not focusing on what I need to remove from my diet, I'm focusing on what I need to add back in. Instead of telling myself that I absolutely can't have macaroni and cheese with hot dogs, I ask myself what fruit and veggie side dishes I will have with it when I crave it. And I'm finding slightly healthier substitutions for my cravings. I put particular emphasis on the word slightly. Fast food is not healthy, but there are definitely better and worse choices to make when ordering. And when I know that there are days I will be slipping through that drive through, it's good to know the nutrition well enough to make less horrible choices.
I can in no way guarantee this time will be different, but it certainly feels different already. Maybe it's the support from everyone in my life. Maybe it's my determination reaching peak levels. Maybe it is the fact that I've been eating fairly well for almost two weeks already. Whatever the cause, I'm excited for this, and I think this time is the last time I'll have to make a post like this.