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my "fit" self talking to my "fat" self...

Sunday, April 28, 2013

i am doing the "spark coach" thing, and there was an intriguing exercise to do today. write a letter from the me at my goal weight emoticon emoticon , to the me that i am now emoticon emoticon ... how, in THE heck am i supposed to do THAT??? i am not there, how do i know what i would say???? do these spark leaders really know what they are doing???? emoticon

so, i sat here for a bit, imagining myself fit, toned, strong, flexible, full of energy, wearing my favorite outfit i have for when i can wear it... instead of writing a letter, i decided to use my imagination, and play a little skit in my mind of how the meeting of the two "me's" would be...

fit tammy seeing fat tammy on a bench, depressed, feeling fat and sorry for herself. fit tammy slides down next to fat tammy, and puts her arm around fat tammy. fit tammy (from now on #1) asks fat tammy (from now on #2), what is wrong.

#2, i am so fat, i disgust myself. i have no energy or inclination to work out or do karate, what will it matter? i think i need some cake emoticon want some?

#1, no thanks, but i have some strawberries here, i KNOW you would like! look, look what i did! i am at my goal weight (147 lbs), and man, do i look HOT! emoticon i have the energy and drive to exercise and do karate, i graded for and got my next belt! i am teaching self-defense to other women, i have ALWAYS wanted to do that! i have never felt better about myself, and i haven't gotten sick as often. i want to play with the kids, and i want to SHOP for clothes! i can't TELL you how much i have bought from the salvation army! (my fav store!)

#2 ummmm, yeah, sure, and HOW many times did you mess up?

#1 i "messed up" plenty, but the difference is, i never quit. every time i felt like quitting i remembered what i wanted to accomplish, and i had to keep pushing forward to reach those goals. and when i messed up, i went on sparks and all my friends were non judgmental and supportive.

#2 i feel awful, i hate myself, there is no way i can do it.

#1 first, you hafta love and accept yourself where you are. just because you lose the weight, doesn't mean that everything will be perfect. i still struggle, but i know that i am strong, and persistent, i have "heart", to keep going to push through. come on, look at these biceps and triceps and deltoids! i can do 100 GOOD push-ups! and plank? i can hold it FOREVER! just look at this tummy! it might not be perfect, but i know it is strong! and my back and hips don't hurt anymore, my knees are good, and boy am i flexible! maybe not as flexible as some, but a heck of a lot better than i used to be. and my confidence! wow! i feel confident about karate, and teaching self defense, and i am good at it!

#2 but it is just so hard! i get stressed, or mad, or sad, and i just EAT! you say, that i am gonna make better choices?

#1 yes, better choices, like eating healthy stuff... like these STRAWBERRIES, hint, hint! and going for a walk, or exercise or listen to music and dance it out! girl, my dancing is A-MAZING now! i have fun with my friends, not considering myself the fat friend, but now i think of myself as the "FIT FRIEND"! and look at this hair cut, i am totally rockin' it, right?

#2 but what happens when the scale isn't budging, or i am not improving?

#1 when you get down, from now on, think about me, remember how hot i look, and how great i feel!

#2 well, if i, myself said it, i guess i can try to do it.

#1 try? there is no try, do or don't do! (quote from star wars)

#2 okay "yoda" i will do it, so pass over the strawberries! emoticon

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