a lot of emotions going on...
so, the last 4 days i have stayed within my food goals, so i am very happy about that!
i DID work out (cardio DVD) and i trained in karate once with Sensei and other karate-kas, other time training myself. i am happy about this also.
although, my attempts to do the cardio DVD, were pathetic. as for karate, since i have been out of it for so long, watching others made me feel extremely inadequate.
. i know that ego is supposed to be checked at the door of the dojo, and we shouldn't be comparing ourselves to anyone, but ourselves.
, but of course, that is very hard to do.
FYI... this could be considered TMI.
i decided to take pictures of my journey at the beginning and then as the months go by, so i can SEE the improvements. wow, talk about an eye opener!
i know that i am obese, but the pictures showed me more than i thought. seeing me with a wide load (my butt) and back fat, and my stomach that is protruding and hanging down , with stretched out skin. and of course, this totally depressed me.
yes, this really depresses me. the OLD tammy would have been discouraged, and would have given up. the NEW tammy is still depressed and disgusted by how far i have to go, but i am NOT quitting.
it is not gonna be easy, but there are hurdles that i have conquered in these few short days, i have not given in to my emotions, yup, i am an emotional eater. happy, sad, mad, bored, all good (not really) reasons to binge, but i haven't! my husband offered me a strawberry daiquiri to relax, but i had a water instead. there were some extremely stressful situations, recently, but i still didn't go to food. i am not denying myself, i am just trying to make better choice and realize when i am making emotional choices. i remember the saying, "whatever you eat in private, you will show in public!"
i have a LONG way to go, i weigh 189 pounds, and my goals is 147 pounds... and then MAINTAINING! i know it is going to be a long and difficult journey, but i am ready! and i have in my mind my goals. i remember how good i felt when i was at my goal weight, about 4 years ago. i am worth it, God made me, this is a temple for Him, i need to take care of it! i am tired of wearing layers of baggy clothes to "cover up" my fat, duh, that only makes it worse!
i just need to keep myself focused
on my goals and remember that the time
will pass regardless, i need to keep moving forward. yup, this is the new tammy. i will keep fighting the good fight!