Sunday, April 28, 2013
First off, Sorry to my Spark Friends for my hiatus. I know how annoying it could be to not have a solid support and I am most def working on my consistency....
For the MONTH that I was away, I have had some successes and fails.
I have a car now! (yayyy!)
I'm planning a trip to Vegas for my Bday in OCT (My goal was to get out more)
Plus I have been more productive and making plans with old friends.
I have decreased work related stress tremendously by a new outlook
I am/have strengthen my spirituality.
I even surprised myself at how much I started socializing with new people
Okay.. but then I felt my journey stressing me out. I was getting bored and annoyed my weight loss slowed down. And I switched to WEIGHT WATCHERS. ..EPIC FAIL. I flip flopped with that for the last month and then I had a moment watching a YOUTUBE video. I thought.....
Why did it happen for HER all at once? I'm doing what she does and its not happening right. I did this before... (In college I went from 280 to 238) ...It happened so effortlessly then! What am I doing wrong now? This PCOS thing isn't making sense.. how did this happen overnight? I just went from 240lbs to 315lbs over the course of 6mos and I keep gaining and losing the same damn 20lbs. Why me? I'll never get back to where I was before let alone where I wanna be"......I complained about how it would be easier if I had a partner (Even though I did it before without one) and I did the MONDAY ROUTINE.. You know, when you say you will start on Monday.
I WAS SOOOO MAD AT MYSELF BY THE END OF THAT VIDEO BECAUSE I REALIZED I HAD FELL INTO MY OLD WAY OF THINKING.. that was the reason I stopped hanging with friends. Going places. Doing things... and I lost myself. It was all a part of my vicious cycle of fails. SO BEHOLD!!! There was a great lesson to be learned in this.. NOT JUST FOR ME but to pass to others.. Its not about how many times you fail. Or EVEN THAT YOU CATCH YOURSELF SLIPPING. Its about REDIRECTING your energy to what you CAN FIX RIGHT AWAY.. IF I CAN'T EAT PERFECT.. I can drink more water. PRAY MORE. SLEEP BETTER. TALK TO MORE PEOPLE. GET OUT MORE.
and let the rest come together. I'm by no means going to get this right all the time and I'm going to keep writing these blogs to remind myself... because we all forget that this is one of the HARDEST things we will do in our lifetime, so we need a plan of action for this war against ourselves too.
SO I MUST LEAVE A NOTE TO SELF
-I'm going to have to accept the fact that IM NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. So no journey will have the same outcome.
-Its not going to happen overnight! I'm kicking habits that have been with me for most of my life. I cant expect myself to be PERFECT.
-Im not young anymore... the same effort used before needs to be DOUBLED
-I can't forget who I AM & what I DEAL WITH.. (example: I have Anxiety Disorder and OCD.. for that reason, its gonna make it harder mentally for me to push past my own expectations of myself and keep trying even when I feel like all has failed. What might not bother someone else.. will get to me. I need to just deal with it as it comes along.)
-BE KIND to MYSELF.. I can be my worst enemy. And I don't need that. I need to be supportive of myself.
-PCOS might be speed bumps along my journey but its not a barricade.
-AND LASTLY.. No one can want it for me.. Push me.. or be my crutch.. I have to be my #1 cheerleader.
WITH THAT SAID...
I didn't lose anymore weight. I didn't run a marathon. I didn't even conquer drinking more water. But I learned somethings and I accomplished other goals. And thats what this is about. Improving our lives one step at at time.
And now that I have VEGAS to look forward to.. that will give me some much needed motivation to work towards a goal. I hope to be down at least 40lbs by my birthday. No pressure though. I win either way... I'm gonna PARTY!! lol
I HOPE YOU ALL ARE SETTING GOALS ASIDE FROM WEIGHTLOSS ...I know I spent many years saying I will be happy when I'm skinny.. I will date when I lose weight. I will go on vacation when I am smaller.
You can do anything NOW. Don't wait.
What can you do now that you have be "WAITING" to do?