Sunday, April 28, 2013
i have tried many times in my life to lose weight. i think i did weight watchers for the first time in 4th grade. yes...age 8. i know that a lot of my issues with food come from having parents who were constantly unhappy with their weights, and therefore very concerned about mine.
i remember visiting a nutritionist at age 13, and she asked me why i was there - at the time i weighed 114 pounds. this was not slim for my height, but i was also not overweight. that year, however, i went from 114 to 142. at the same height. and then the next year from 142 to 154. and then to 174 in the next two years. constantly being nervous about being overweight forced me to constantly keep eating (a weird cycle!!).
throughout this time and ever since, i have gone through periods of not thinking about my weight, or short spurts of actively trying to lose weight. during these weight-loss periods, i do everything i can to lose a certain number of pounds in a certain number of days, and generally give up if i do not meet my (usually unrealistic) goals.
but for some reason...i have no idea why...this time is different. i am cherishing making all of my meals out of fresh, natural ingredients (hell, i am cooking for myself for the first time ever). i have gained weight back from over-indulging, and reeled myself back in, rather than giving up. i have managed to go out and be social, and still be healthy.
the weight loss is coming along, slowly but surely, but i am gaining more in self-satisfaction than in weight loss. i could get to the weight that i am at now by eating unhealthy foods and just monitoring my calorie intake, which is what i have definitely done in the past (if i eat two bagels and pizza in a day, but dont go over 1200 calories, i will lose weight...but i will still be eating crap...). but this time...is different :) and i am so excited about it!