Things have been better. Things can be better. Things are going to be better.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Like many people out there, I have often felt incredibly discouraged around my body. Oftentimes when I have set out (yet again) to make some changes, it works for a short time and then I slide backwards into old patterns, often gaining all the weight back and then some. It is a vicious cycle of feeling inadequate. It is a vicious cycle of tearing myself down yet again.
For such a long time, I honestly haven't understood it. I truly believe that I'm a caring and loving person. I work hard to be an energetic, focused, inspiring teacher for ALL of my students. I work hard to be a compassionate wife, sister, daughter. I work hard to be a thoughtful, caring friend. But why can't I work hard for me? Why can't I work hard to be all these things and more for myself?
I will turn 28 this Friday and have been feeling really down lately. I've had lots of health problems, etc. Talking with my sister, she shared an excerpt from the book Be Your Own Best Friend by Louis Proto. It brought me to tears. Basically, it made me realize that I've been feeding my own anxiety - literally - with food. I've been trying to fill this inner void that simply wants to be loved - unconditional self love with food. And it isn't going to work. Those feelings will still be there tomorrow. And if anything they will be stronger if I finished that bag of cookies.
So I'm making a public proclamation that I'm worth it. I'm putting this message out there. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be healthy. I deserve to love myself and it starts today.
I know this journey will not be easy. But I have the best person to begin it with - me.