Saturday, April 27, 2013
Throughout this journey I've taken the time to sit back and look over the many changes I've gone through going from where I was 3 1/2 years ago to now. 3 1/2 years ago I was at what I call my starting over point. I literally did an overhaul of my life and began again at the age of 40. How thankful I am that I found the courage to begin again, to find the love for myself that was missing has been the most miraculous find for me.
When I look back at everything, I see that what started my success at this change in life was that I made a plan. I began to set up steps that were needed to get me to a healthier place in life, both physically and emotionally. There were times where I thought I had the right steps set up, then discovered that that particular step was too large to accomplish without some smaller steps in between.
This realization didn't come without fumbling over it a few times. Many frustrations at not accomplishing the larger goals were dealt with, until my acceptance of the fact that there may just be other steps along the way was realized. This has been a tough one to conquer in my thinking as it seems to be ingrained in me to not want to accept that this is normally the way it goes for me.
By setting up my steps and continuing to learn how to look at and appreciate the smaller steps it took to get me to where I am now, has been my success. Have I reached all of my goals yet? Not even close. Why do I consider myself a success if all of my goals haven't been met yet? Because I'm trying. Because I was brave enough to start in the first place. I'm living the journey that is being laid out for me to get to those goals and learning something new almost every day about myself and the way I can help myself along my path.
The pace at which accomplishments come along is something that I found a healthy respect for. My goals and dreams just love to take their time getting to me...and that has been an issue for me along the way. I've never been an impatient person, until I began going through this life change. As I've slowly met some goals I've set up throughout this time, I have learned to love and appreciate the hard work it took to get to that goal. But I've also learned to love and appreciate the feeling I receive knowing I did it and have found myself wanting more of it. Which is perfectly normal, but for me they seem to come at a snail's pace and I've had to learn to deal with frustrations that take over and sometimes are allowed to grind me to a halt when I'm in the middle of a journey to a particular goal.
Learning how to make the frustrating part of the journey work to my benefit has been an interesting lesson in all of this. In the old days, not a chance in the world would I have been able to look at my lack of motivation to run for a few weeks as some kind of a hint that something in me is off. Nope. In the old battered thinking that used to be mine, I would look at myself and see me as being lazy, not worth my efforts, and if I'm going to be completely honest, the word "stupid" probably would have been in there, too. Learning to be able to look at that problem and sincerely pick it apart to find the true cause is an invaluable lesson that I hope we all can learn.
If there's anything I wish to pay forward to anyone willing to listen, it's that you are most definitely worth your own efforts. Your dreams are worth your time. You are worth your own love. To find your own journey and write your own story along the way is a reward unlike no other.
Time to run...