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    HCKYGRL44   1,727
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F*k you Cancer

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Less than happy news on the cancer front this weekend.

As I don't live with the family members going through this, I can only make assumptions (b/c they aren't sharing details yet), but I feel like something should have been done MONTHS ago when they saw the cancer growing. It is in an actual tumor that you can SEE now. So I'm angry at these so called doctors. I'm angry at the family members for not finding a BETTER cancer center that has a proven track record and is willing to try more things rather than give up right away. Again, all my assumptions as I don't know full details.

So I'm cycling around the grief, denial, anger stages right now. I feel like a goldfish in a bowl. Just circling and circling. :(

Hopefully in the next weeks some better news will finally start coming through. Hopefully they place they are choosing treatment at isn't as sh**ty as I make it out to be (although I don't know how that can be possible), but I'll hope.

I cannot accept right now some of the things I've been told. I won't accept it. I'm going to fight it!

But the depression, the intense sadness still hits me a few times a day. Just trying to work through it.

For now, I have to stop making assumptions. Things may not be as bad as I fear. And I have to hope and believe that they aren't!!!!!
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HCKYGRL44 4/28/2013 12:11PM

    First of all, I am not being told everything that everyone else is. That's pissing me off. Secondly...I feel like they are accepting second rate treatment b/c it's close, when they could be fighting harder, with better doctors. Do trial therapies. I mean, if you are going to die anyway, what's the harm in trying the new therapies out there? Perhaps you'll live.

I feel like they are all rolling over and being dead by not looking for more. I would be handling things very differently. But I guess it's not my place.

So I get to sit here and suffer with the knowledge that this person may not be here for the most important things in my life. And I can't accept that right now. It's killing me. And my stupid fiance doesn't want to work with me to get those important things done while he is still alive enough to celebrate them with us.

So much anger, so much sadness. Deep, despairing sadness. Of course the f*ing BPD makes it worse for me. What might be a 5 on your pain scale (emotional) is a 15 for me.

All I've done since Thursday is cry, sleep, and not eat. And cry more.

Why won't they fight as hard as I want to? emoticon

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HEARTS116 4/27/2013 9:14PM

    emoticon

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OUTDOORGIRL69 4/27/2013 9:52AM

    emoticon I know what you are going through. I had cancer 4 times. This last time was breast cancer. They kept doing the mammograms and telling me that there was something for over 4 years and then all of a sudden they tell me I have to have surgery.

Now I am going through the same thing again. For the past 2 & 1/2 years I have been going through it again. I have another mammogram in June so I will see what that say. If it turns out the same I will be asking for a biopsy this time.

Try to keep a positive attitude & keep us updated.

emoticon again & keep your Faith in God.

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CHIHUAHUAMOM2 4/27/2013 8:00AM

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