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As the 2013 Flying Pig Approaches...


Friday, April 26, 2013

I'm having a very hard time with this.

I don't know if I can even begin to write about it.

There are something like 40 Sparkpeople participating this year - the JASR crew did themselves proud. Coach Nancy spearheaded an effort to have some folks volunteer at a water station. There is a dinner planned for Saturday night (and more - I just realized I've not been getting the notifications from the facebook group so I've missed a lot of the planning, trying to get caught up and get details).

And breaking news from one of the local organizers - "SparkPeople is sponsoring a booth Sunday May 5 at the Flying Pig Marathon Post Race Party at Yeatman’s Cove. I've posted this file with a layout of Yeatman's Cove and the booth locations. SparkPeople is at booth #12. I will be setting a meeting time for all of us to converge on the booth. I thought that might be a good spot for a group picture, plus you can meet some other Spark employees there. Let me know if you have questions. For now, I just thought it was fun that Spark decided to have a booth and wanted to share that info."

And I'm sitting here in tears, wishing somebody - ANYBODY - had given a damn last year. I tried so *fricken* hard...
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As it turns out, I have plans on Friday night that I swapped work shifts for, which means I'm working Saturday - because I totally spazzed it was Flying Pig weekend. I suspect I blocked it out since I couldn't afford to register and thus haven't trained, AND since I'm having such a hard time wanting to be enthusiastic about all the spark love and not taking it personally. And that's hard to admit.

But, I WILL be at that booth, dammit. And if there's any kind of meet up that I can squeeze into the weekend, I'll be there. And here's hoping some of the Sparkiness will rub off and I'll find my own spark again. I've been floundering - it's been a tough semester and I'm just coming up for air, and am seriously trying to get back into the swing of healthy living. So it's a good time for it.

But I gotta tell ya...bittersweet doesn't even *begin* to touch the emotional rollercoaster I'm dealing with here. Not even a little bit.


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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ACTIVE_AT_60 5/6/2013 6:47AM

    I hear where you are coming from, and I totally understand your feelings. In addititon, I have been there myself too many times. - As a lot of people have said (and it is difficult) - don't take it personal. Move on and show up for the event next year. - I wasn't able to attend the event at all (I had to work)

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DIANEDOESSMILES 5/6/2013 12:21AM

    WOW !! I haven't heard of any of this. So from a "newbier" idea's side of things,, WOW WHAT A UNIQUE privilege you have !!! While it could go KA PLUNK it could ALSO be a PERSONAL Success FOR YOU !! YES !! IF YOU ALLOW IT to Be and LOOK at the POSITIVES of ALL the HARD work you've done,,,,, how ORGANIZED YOU ARE,,,,,, NEATO !!!

U are in school,,, this is something U can use latah on to put on a resume' !!! had you thought of this? A company will LOVE TO SEE IT !! Just TALK IT UP on how much "I LOVED doing this !" and NOT how it may of turned out,,, look at the POSITVES OF IT !!! For WOW OH WOW !! I AM A GO GETTER !! And HOW DID I GET HERE? EASY !! I've LOOKED For the BEST in it, even when it hasn't been,, well what it "could of been". THAT My SPaRKY FRIEND IS THE KEY TO WINNING !! IN ALL WE DO !!!! just turning things around !!! it can be even on the WORSE OF JOBS ! to look at the BEST as we look for ANOTHer job (NEVER QUIt ! it looks AWEFUL !) and talk UP the JOB you have !!! the supervisors will GRAB YOU UP !!!

ENJOY the EVENT !! Even it RAINS OUT !!! look for the BeST IN it !

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BOBBYD31 5/6/2013 12:04AM

    sorry we were not able to meet up this year, it was a great weekend. maybe you will be able to JASR next march

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JEN-LOVES-LIFE 5/5/2013 11:13PM

    I remember you trying to get people together last year, and you DID try hard. I'm sorry that it did not work out then. This time of year is hard for me to go away for a race, but that's just me.

I agree with BE_THE_CHANGE. The JASR group couldn't make it work then, so they made it work now. That group is a take charge kind of group and it all just worked out. I don't know why SP had a booth there this time (I don't know about last year). But they do have a new book coming out on Tuesday, so maybe that had something to do with it??

Please don't be sad over any of this. It is in the past and it is not losing your present time on. Enjoy the day, the beautiful weather and your new friend Merle! She's great, isn't she? Glad you two finally met. Take care!

Jen

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QUIDDITCHGRRL 4/28/2013 1:02PM

    I hope you can come on Saturday! Please don't let something which happened almost a year ago affect your feelings and actions now. Would love to meet you!

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MISSG180 4/27/2013 10:53PM

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. Love.

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PAIDIA 4/27/2013 12:36PM

    *HUGS*

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BE-THE-CHANGE 4/27/2013 8:18AM

    Don't take it personally. A lot of the people you are talking about got together at JASR in Pittsburgh last year. Since it fell on Easter weekend this year, they decided to get together at the Pig instead. I am so sorry I can't make it out there. I first thought it was graduation weekend, but that's the next week. It is my last weekend before my last class is over and I have too much work to do to get away.

I would have liked to meet you!

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ZANNACHAN 4/27/2013 12:23AM

    *Hugs*

Organizing things are hard--and organizing anything like spark get togethers can be harder still. There's a lot of factors that need to come together, including people having the time and money to register and travel for some thing like this. I have recently passed up a number of potential spark gatherings (including two races that sounded like a lot of fun!) because of school. This does not reflect at all on the event or the organizers or the other people involved and everything to do with my time and funds etc. right now. Sometimes the stars align and you get an awesome event. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. Try not to take it personally!

I really, really hope you get your spark back! If I could, I'd package some up and send it your way. I know how hard it is to stay motivated when you are under a lot of financial stress, struggling with work and heavy class loads, with no time and less energy. *hugs* For me, right now, I'm barely holding on to my baby step goals--things like making sure I eat 3 meals a day, or getting veggies in, or working out even 20 minutes 5 days a week. But I know that hard as it is, and as meaningless as those little goals sometimes feel, I know that it helps me deal with the stress better if nothing else. And it keeps me moving in the right direction, no matter how slowly.

You can do this, and even if you can't tell that you are making progress, you are building a strong foundation even if you can't see it yet. A friend of mine told me once that all this hard work I'm doing now is like the bamboo plant putting down roots--the bamboo remains seemingly dormant for years while it builds up its root system, and then it grows at an insane rate. So even if you can't see progress, it doesn't mean that you aren't making it.

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4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 4/26/2013 11:28PM

    I second everything Leigh said! I too am not one to organize parties, get togethers or any other type of social event, fitness related or not. I don't have that organizational spark that gets others excited to come along. I'm not saying you don't have it in you, all I'm saying is that I understand exactly how you feel, especially when the next year someone else comes along and does what you wanted to do. Happens to me all the time.

I am happy to see you here again. I'm glad you got your feelings out in the open so you can deal with them. I'm sorry you weren't able to participate this year fully, but go to the booth. Go to the meet-ups and get your Spark on!

I feel that you are so lucky to be in Spark territory where you get a lot of love from the Spark team (as in appearances, meet-ups, etc). Go have fun for me too.

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MONETRUBY 4/26/2013 10:51PM

    Oh, sweetie, I feel for ya. I think I've shared with you about how my planning leaves much to be desired...and how my parties often end up being me, sitting by myself, wondering if anyone will show up. This is not a reflection on you! You tried hard, and for whatever reason, people didn't respond. There's no rhyme or reason to that, and it doesn't mean anything negative about you. I'm glad to see you back on spark, and sharing about your struggles. That's a tough thing to do, and I'm proud of you for being willing to do that. Luv ya, and I hope you are in some more positive headspace soon.

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