Friday, April 26, 2013
I've been away a while. Ive had some things that needed my attention. My mental well-being being one of them. I've been at a low point. In a vicious circle of over-eating and self loathing. I could even see why some people choose to binge and purge - although I couldn't bring myself to do it.
It was going to my Renal docs 2 weeks ago that finally started to bring me round. I was told that I WILL need a transplant in the next 5 years. Bluntly. No beating around the bush. It made me want to cry. It made me feel sick. It made me want to hide from the world.
Over the past two weeks i have not lost any weight that I am aware of. I havent weighed myself either because my mental state couldn't take it. But I have been calorie counting. Getting into the habit of watching what I eat. I havent cut down, or eaten particularly healthy, but i have accounted for EVERY SINGLE MORSEL that passed my lips. Then today, I limited myself. (I am going to phone the hospital after my trip to spain and go back to the dietician.) I took the advice given to me almost 2 years ago and cut back to 1200 cals. Ive found it easy. Ive planned my meals for the day. Ive checked calories on everything I eat. Ive not had one thing chocolate today - and I don't want any.
My head feels level for the 1st time in months - although it didnt feel out of order I can see now that it was.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.