Friday, April 26, 2013
So... I've pretty much made up my mind to file the divorce paperwork and end my marriage to Joe. At first, I wasn't entirely sure what my plan was, just that I needed some space. But this week has just....confirmed for me that Joe and I cannot make things work. First, he tried crying and begging me for another chance, which I really don't think would change things. Then he turned to threatening me and Spencer with a custody battle. Now, he's back to asking if there's a hope for fixing things.
The truth is, in my heart I've already moved on. I'm not in love, and that's important to me. I know the fireworks, the butterflies, etc. that come along with falling in love don't always last, but love should grow into something stronger, instead of just fading away altogether as it has for me. Joe will always be the father of my child and I will love and thank him for that every day of my life. But he will also always be the alcoholic who ruined family times, wasted our money, was violent and brash and aggressive, that I've had to file a police report against... he'll also always be the man that refused to get a job, leeched off of me for the four years we were together, did what he could for his family only by doing the bare minimum... the person who never listened when I said to his face "I'm not happy. I'm not in love." and who could have tried to change for us, but didn't..
My resolve is strong. This is right. It is hard, but it is right.