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#129 - Rough Time.

Friday, April 26, 2013

I'm having a tough time picking up the pieces. I'm on the verge of quitting.

Last weekend, I went out of town for my birthday. On the Friday before, I was excited because I had a plan to be as healthy as I could be. However, when you are out of town with loved ones who don't necessarily strive to be healthy, it's tough especially when it comes to food. What seemed like one bad food choice led to another bad food choice. This happened all weekend long; it also happened Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.

By Wednesday, I had had enough of the processed junk that I was feeding my body. I was tired, bloated, and every bite I took, I felt sick afterwards. You'd think that those symptoms would motivate me to be better, but in reality, I'm struggling. I don't want healthy food; I really don't want food at all. I'm sick of food. I'm too tired, lethargic, and bloated to get my workouts done. By the time I get home from work, all I want to do is curl up on the couch and read.

In addition to how I feel physically, mentally, I'm not doing so well either. I'm having a hard time forgiving myself. Yesterday morning, I was stupid enough to step on the scale; I'm back at 149.6 lbs which means goodbye to my 30 pound weight loss. I stepped off the scale with so much anger toward myself. I can't believe I allowed myself those 6 horrible days. Now, I'm even further from my weight goal. All of my dreams of being healthy, running, and weight etc seem unreachable. I feel like bingeing now.

I've tried forgiving myself, and it's not working. All I can think about is how terrible I look and feel. I messed up. Bad.

Once again, it's Friday, and the weekend is here. The weekend never goes well for me. My depression and anger will probably win out leading to another bad weekend. By Monday, I'm sure I will be in the 150s and singing the same old song.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You can do this! I feel like I'm kind of in the same boat as you right now. Just losing 30 lbs is a great job. Even if you gained some of it back, you can do it again and still have accomplished so much even being at the higher weight.
    1726 days ago
  • SBRAN833
    Oh how so many people can relate to your post ... starting back from the beginning AGAIN here ... and you're right - getting back to what worked in the first place is a great start.

    but you are strong enough to get through this ... it's a rollercoaster. it's okay to enjoy life, as long as you don't give up.. you got this :)
    1726 days ago
    Just take one small step in the right direction, and that will start the ball rolling! Today is a new day, try not to think about what happened yesterday or last week, and start fresh! You are worth it, and you have so much support on here!! emoticon
    1726 days ago

    I'm back after gaining all of my weight back and now I have to start again. Don't delay, just get back on the horse and start riding again. Anything less will make it even worse.

    I'll make some peanut butter and graham crackers for you, it tends to get me comforted but ready for a challenge
    emoticon !
    1727 days ago
    Hey Girl! First of all, thanks so much for the comment on my wall. It meant a lot to me.

    I'm sorry to hear you're feeling down. I've been having a rough time lately too - I feel like I've lost the motiviation.

    I think small steps are the key. We all have bad days, and weeks, and longer. But you've recognized where you went wrong, so now just make some small changes to correct it. Forget about the past and start looking head.

    I'm spending time with Family this weekend which will entail many meals out. I'm committing now to making healthy choices - there are salads and veggies and other lean options on every menu. And if I can do that, I know I'll feel better going into Monday, and I'll be ready to start working out again!

    What small step will you make today?
    1729 days ago
    emoticon Don't focus on the negatives, and don't kick yourself while you're down. You've lost weight in the recent past, and you can do it again. Think about bathing suit season, and see if that helps to motivate you. So you messed up. I did too for my birthday week I ate horribly. Then I did a horrible test and could only eat Cream of Wheat and ice cream. I gained a lot of weight. But I forgave myself. I knew it was a yearly thing, and I felt like I deserved it, so I did it, knowing what the consequences would be, and knowing that I could get it all back off. I'm still working on it. But so far, so good. I will not quit, and neither will you!
    1729 days ago

    There's no easy way to get what you want. You have to do this for yourself. You don't want to go back. You don't want to undo all the hardwork. There's nothing anyone on here can tell you to do that will make you do what you need to do. Plus what works for one doesn't always work for the next.

    Pick yourself up. Take responsibility. Make a plan.
    1729 days ago
    You would tell us to forgive ourselves and move on, and that we are beautiful!

    Please do not quit, forgive yourself and take positive steps forward!

    You are BEAUTIFUL and you deserve the best!
    1729 days ago
    I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so bad Sam, but don't give up! I've had many of these moments, and a few of them have happened this month as well. You just need to take some small steps to get back on track. Drinking your 8 glasses of water a day is always helpful, plus it will help flush all that sodium out of your system.

    Then another step can be just going for a 20 minute walk. I know it was be hard, especially after a long day at you can always skip the walk and just do some crunches/push ups 40 minutes before bed.

    It's not the end of the world, even though I know it feels that way. You always have another chance to get it right.

    1729 days ago
    It does not matter how far down the wrong road you go- you can ALWAYS turn around.

    Why don't you challenge yourself to track and eat right for ONE day? Anybody can do it for ONE day. That is what I do when I fall off the wagon. And it only takes ONE day to start feeling much better!!!!!!

    Do it and let me know how it goes!
    1729 days ago
    Sorry you are struggling Sam. Just forgive yourself and drink a bunch of water. That is probably from the sodium of being on the go, ya know? And eating things you don't typically eat. Look at the big picture: 6 days of doing the best that you can given the circumstances off plan is way better than 6 weeks or months. We aren't always in control, and that's what life is about. We just gotta do what we do. There is always going to be a party or a vacation on the horizon. YOu got this!
    1729 days ago
    hugs to you!!! i know you can get back at it!!
    1729 days ago
    In the past I would always do exactly what you described in your blog but something has changed for me recently.

    I remind myself every single thing I choose not to put in my mouth, or healthy food substitution I make, exercise I do or other healthy habit, it all matters. Each thing is small but lots of small things together can achieve something great over time.

    Same goes when I "mess up". Those were just little bumps in the road. They may seem like huge disappointments right now but they really are only small things in the grand scheme.

    Start back by trying to string together two "good choices", then three, then four.........

    You can do it. Don't give up!

    emoticon emoticon
    1729 days ago
    Living in the past where you repeat the things you did last weekend over and over in your head only leads to staying in the past and suffering with those feelings. Thinking about the weekend to come only leads to suffering with anxiety over what "might" happen.

    Some people would love to in your shoes at 149 lbs. There are many people here on Spark who think that goal is unattainable to them, yet here you are at 149.

    I've been at a stable weight for over 19 months now, watching the scale go up and then down only to stall at 165 lbs on the down but never going over 172 on the up. 19 months!! I'm still here. I'll never give up.

    The trick to eating what you want is to be prepared. I do NOT leave home without a plan to eat well even if it means I'll bring all of my own food. For some people this is their life. What about a person with celiac disease for example, who can not eat any wheat at all and even just a SPECK of wheat sets off a horrible attack? Do you think they would trust the cooking of other people? Fast food wouldn't be an option. It's a lot of work to bring your own food along, but it IS do-able.

    I don't have celiac disease, but I have plenty of other food issues and I go to courageous lengths to make sure that there is food that I can eat whenever I'm away from home.

    Tonight I have a choir concert. I have to leave the house at 5 pm and travel an hour to get to the venue. We have rehearsal and blocking (where we are to be on the stage during our songs) at 6 pm. Our concert is at 7:30 pm with the first group going on then and then we are up second, maybe around 8 or 8:15. I know I'm going to get hungry because I'll have eaten at around 4 or 4:30, and I have a plan to bring food with me because there is no way in hell that I'm going to nip out and grab a burger or a sandwich of whatever fresh hell is out there in the fast food world. I'm sooooo done with eating crap and I'll bet you are too.

    Good Luck!!
    1729 days ago
    If you start the weekend off thinking it is going to beat you, IT WILL! Chin up, be strong, You can do this! If you give up you are just going to be farther away from your goal than you really are and if you are that mad at yourself right now think of how you will be if you give up and have to start over. This post of you wanting to give up bothers me. You are such a motivator. I would give anything to have the spark that started you on this journey. I am getting there BECAUSE OF YOU! You are always motivating everyone else so it is sad that you can't motivate yourself. Think of how terrible you feel when you make these bad decisions. Weekends are always my killer also. So this weekend I am going to make good decisions. Every time I go to eat something bad I am going to think of you and your motivation. I am going to make it a successful weekend because of you. You can do this. Don't let a couple of days ruin what you have worked for for so long. You've got this! Have a good weekend! Stay strong! emoticon
    1729 days ago
    Every day is a new chance to make good choices. Just take care of today.

    1729 days ago
    Like I said on your status today, think about what you would tell a fellow sparker who is struggling. You have been a bastion of support for me when I've been down. You come up with what you would say? Turn that right back around at yourself! Think of how far you've come. You can't let a bump in the road like this get you down. You, my dear, are a fighter! I'm willing to bet that the weight you put on will melt off with good eating and exercise because it's likely all bloat.

    Weekends are my weak point too. I really wish I had some good advice for you on how to manage them. The only thing I can say is to not beat yourself up when you haven't figured it out yet. It's a long, never ending journey to a healthy lifestyle. It doesn't end when you hit the finish line; we have to keep going.

    I'm sure that by Monday you'll have lost some of that bloat because I know that instead of beating yourself up, you're going to turn this energy into kicking butt and taking names! You're going to use it as motivation to get serious and focus on making the right choices. I KNOW you can do it! Somewhere in there, you know you can too. Let that Sam shine!

    emoticon emoticon
    1729 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/26/2013 9:53:19 AM
    smile, it's business as usual...
    then, pick up the pieces, dust yourself off,
    and get right back to it!
    what are the alternatives?
    1729 days ago
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