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A trip to the dark side ...

Friday, April 26, 2013

When I first started on Sparkpeople I was trying to find an "image" that I felt would best represent me and where I was with my health for my profile picture.

For a long time I chose:

An image that was truly me ... someone who always battled with the input of the little devil and angel on my shoulder. I was able to block out the "devil" (negative) and even changed my profile picture to one of strength, originally done from part of a challenge for the BLC21 but I liked it ... and I felt it! emoticon

The BLC21 finished and we went right into a "No break" challenge ... however that negative voice got a bit stronger again and said ... oh you need a break, you "deserve" a break. I succumbed to that voice and ate some things I had been avoiding. One of the things we worked on this week in the Camo No break challenge was trial and error. Well I sure confirmed to myself that I don't do sugar very well.

It started with a java chiller from Sonic (only the small size mind you and no whip cream)

I thought I could handle this ... hmm. Let me "rewind" a bit and tell you about my love of coffee. I know I drink too much and I am currently weaning myself down to a reasonable amount per day. So this "treat" was at the end of the day and I didn't eat any dinner to make up for the calories emoticon that were in it.

So next day ... I have my usual coffee, I head off to a meeting with a person to discuss blueprints for a project I am working on. A project that was started many months ago and has been stressful. So now I have more stress because of what we still have to do on the project to get the necessary approval.

My coworker invites me to lunch ... I do okay at lunch (take some of it home and avoid dessert). On the way home ... the "deserving" devil thinks that one donut will be okay ... as I drive right by a little donut shop on the way home. I dredge up $1.00 from my car and go in to get my donut.

So I am thinking ... I just won't eat dinner again to make up for the donut when I get home. I also think "I will just finish this lunch that I brought home" ... then I really won't be hungry. So I head off to pick up my DS15 and other kids that I take to swimming ... drive my 90 mile round trip and as I am heading back home I am thinking I really "deserve" some dinner and I think I can handle a java chiller (again) and some popcorn chicken too. emoticon

So my mind is looking for a solution to this stress and emotional mess ... maybe some chocolate chips and Cracklin' Oat Bran (love this combination) I used to eat it and I felt okay ...

Well, that wasn't the case. All that caffeine and sugar played havoc with my emotions and I was really down and totally overwhelmed with everything that was/is going on with my life. I am sure that hormones played a part in this mess also. I looked up sugar and depression and guess what ... sugar and caffeine are #1 and #2 on this article's list on anxiety and panic attacks:

I posted a status update the other day regarding my overwhelmed feelings and I REALLY appreciate all the positive support that I got. I am climbing out of the hole (dark side) and muzzling the emoticon voice.

One really good thing is that this week for our Camo "No Break" challenge one of the areas to work on is sugar avoidance ... how timely for me! emoticon You can bet I will be all over that.

Here is another great article regarding sugar and carbs and how they can affect you.

My spark is back emoticon and I am taking the steps to make sure that I don't go back down that black hole again. Thankfully even though I ate so poorly this past week my weight stayed the same probably due to all the intense yard work I have been doing. I am trying to look at this as a positive and not that I wasted 2 weeks. It is all part of the journey of discovery, right?

Spark on ~ Cookie

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