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Accepting I'm "Good Enough"

Friday, April 26, 2013

This is the fourth time I've started this post and erased it. I know what I want to say, but as I type it is just sounds so sad and depressing.

This might be my shortest post yet.

I have a serious problem accepting that I'm "good enough". Good enough for what? A whole slew of things including the response and award received for my Boston post.

I am simply overwhelmed by the response and by family who have been sharing my post with their friends.

It's been an interesting couple of months where I've had to call for help from my really awesome sister and from some friends I didn't even know we had to help us with difficulties we were experiencing (two days where I was out of town, my husband had to work and my MIL, who was supposed to watch the kids bailed on us leaving us in a really tight bind, a broken fridge, a car acting up and another kid related scheduling snafu).

I don't think this makes any sense at all, but it adequately sums up the feelings I'm experiencing, but I feel like I'm being smacked in the face with love. See makes no real sense.

After a hard year of unemployment and feeling sort of abandoned by all (with the exception of a few family members, already mentioned sister among them) it has been an overwhelming month and I am honestly having trouble accepting that all this is meant for me.

I don't deserve it. But, why not? I don't know. That's what this blog was supposed to try to get to the bottom of and I think I'm almost there, but it's just out of grasp and I really just need to work on getting there. Understanding why I do deserve the love and the comments and the friendship and the help. But, it's hard. It's just really not easy. Just like typing this just has not been easy. I'll keep trying and tomorrow I'll come back and post something not so...dreary. I'm working on it and if this month has been any indication it's a lesson I'm really supposed to learn...
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BUTEAFULL 4/27/2013 4:50AM

    emoticon

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4EVERADONEGIRL 4/26/2013 1:09PM

    Sometimes I think we confuse humility with this exact thing. How can we toot our own horn and yet be humble? How can we accept affirmation of our worth without being cocky or arrogant?

I think God is giving you a lesson and I know you are struggling with accepting it. Just know that it IS okay to realize that you aren't on your own. That it's okay to not just give, but to RECEIVE. It's okay to realize that you had words people not just wanted to hear, but needed to hear.

What I think is the bigger issue here, and a deeper issue, is that you ARE worth all of this AND MORE. The fact that our father abandoned us does not define us. The fact that we had to learn struggles that many kids never have to does not define us. The fact that we allowed ourselves to become overweight does not define us. Let go of the idea that you aren't deserving because YOU ARE deserving.

I found it funny when you were so surprised (maybe not the best word...) that I was willing to keep taking the kids when you were in a jam because how many times did you do the exact same thing for me???? I would turn the world on its axis for my sister if need be because YOU DESERVE IT. If you take one thing away from this I want you to take the fact that you do deserve these things and the fact that your family and friends have been able to jump in and assist you when needed is testament to the fact that you do the same again and again for others. We all have our limitations on how much we can help at times - whether it is time, money, or whatever - but the amount you have to give does not predicate whether you deserve to receive. Just remember that the Bible says when you give you get back seventy times seven. Accept your seventy times seven - trust me, you DESERVE IT!!!!

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ON2VICTORY 4/26/2013 10:49AM

    I hear you. Sometimes it falls out that when we are the caregivers, breadwinners, mom, referee, savior of all ills to the kids etc... everyone else comes first and it is foreign to think of accepting anything good for ourselves because we have lived so selflessly...

think of it this way, every positive thing that you do for yourself from something tangible such as a massage or shopping trip to something intangible such as telling yourself that you deserve the very best and that you ARE good enough, you make yourself better and more effective to give to others...

hard to give of yourself when your tank is empty.

love yourself first. :)

Comment edited on: 4/26/2013 10:50:22 AM

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RITEEBEE 4/26/2013 9:21AM

    I struggle with the same things sometimes.

You are worth it, very very much so!

I also very much understand the feeling of not feeling worth it and struggling to accept all the love and help.

Try to see what everyone else see's, that you are even more than "good enough"!!



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NOTABOUTHEFACE 4/26/2013 7:29AM

    The short answer is awesome people get help when they need it. It's in those times of need you find out who you can really count on and who is really there for you. Make note of it because there are some serious life lessons swimming in that lake o' love! (I made myself want to barf with that one!)

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NEW-CAZ 4/26/2013 2:59AM

    It's easy for me to see why you deserve love Heather; because you give so much to others.
To your kids
To your sister
To your community
To your spark family....I can't count the number of times you've been supportive to me

Now it's time to give to YOU.
You earned the award for the blog, it was excellent and I can see why it was shared.

You ARE amazing and worthy of love and support emoticon emoticon

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