Friday, April 26, 2013
This is the fourth time I've started this post and erased it. I know what I want to say, but as I type it is just sounds so sad and depressing.
This might be my shortest post yet.
I have a serious problem accepting that I'm "good enough". Good enough for what? A whole slew of things including the response and award received for my Boston post.
I am simply overwhelmed by the response and by family who have been sharing my post with their friends.
It's been an interesting couple of months where I've had to call for help from my really awesome sister and from some friends I didn't even know we had to help us with difficulties we were experiencing (two days where I was out of town, my husband had to work and my MIL, who was supposed to watch the kids bailed on us leaving us in a really tight bind, a broken fridge, a car acting up and another kid related scheduling snafu).
I don't think this makes any sense at all, but it adequately sums up the feelings I'm experiencing, but I feel like I'm being smacked in the face with love. See makes no real sense.
After a hard year of unemployment and feeling sort of abandoned by all (with the exception of a few family members, already mentioned sister among them) it has been an overwhelming month and I am honestly having trouble accepting that all this is meant for me.
I don't deserve it. But, why not? I don't know. That's what this blog was supposed to try to get to the bottom of and I think I'm almost there, but it's just out of grasp and I really just need to work on getting there. Understanding why I do deserve the love and the comments and the friendship and the help. But, it's hard. It's just really not easy. Just like typing this just has not been easy. I'll keep trying and tomorrow I'll come back and post something not so...dreary. I'm working on it and if this month has been any indication it's a lesson I'm really supposed to learn...