Thursday, April 25, 2013
My daughter is 2 yrs out from being diagnosed with cancer. What was supposed to be a migraine was actually brain cancer. So rare is her cancer that the Dr.'s at Cleveland Clinic had never seen it before. Finally, a physician was found in California that was familiar with her cancer. Donna was diagnosed with Plasma cytoma. Ugliest words to hear....EVER! Typical this cancer has been found in elderly black men. The Dr's couldn't offer an explanation how a young white female got it.
This can't be happening. Jim just left for overseas. I can't have a terminally ill child at the same time!! No way is this happening!
So many up's and down's, fear, confusion, and a host of other terrifying emotions when I heard those awful words in the same sentence as my daughter's name. I've always been a praying mom, but somehow...prayer couldn't be said. I felt like God let me down. All I had in me was anger and frustration. I told the dr's I have anything she needs...liver, kidneys, lungs, heart. It didn't matter to me. Whatever she needs please take. What I heard was, "i'm sorry Mrs. Warner. It isn't that type of cancer.
My sweet child was terminal and I had nothing in my power to help her. Not even God! Oh I did not respond well after her treatments. All I wanted to do was out bad my bad, but I couldn't even do that. Life can be so unfair!
In the end, finally, I had a spiritual break through. It seemed like the Lord just picked me up with both hands, drew me to His side, and whispered in my ear "don't be afraid, I'm here"! WHAT?? After everything I said and did? Well now, there it is. Just what I needed to hear. "I am with you"! 4 little words that packed a powerful hug, right to my broken heart and changed my anger and fear to hope and faith. I'm so thankful God is faithful even when I'm not!
Today is the 2nd anniversary of the surgery. Today, she's still recovering from continued treatments. A 2nd "blip' has been found. But the good news is NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE!
This is my account of my child's diagnosis. Her's is very different from mine. I should've followed the leader. She taught me how to be strong and fight. don't lose faith and don't blame God...He's God. We're not.