Thursday, April 25, 2013
This hits home for ME so I thought I would share this with you: Codependency is a lonely place. We have people in our life that feel sorry for us and tell us what we want to hear and we have others who judge us and tell us what we should do. I sought out the people that told me what I wanted to hear and I tried to avoid the ones who criticized me and tried to tell me what to do. One way or the other these people affirmed in my mind that I was a helpless victim.
But, I learned that I am not a helpless victim. True, I did not have the power to change them. But I did have the power to change me. It was also true that I could no longer use them for an excuse Not to be proactive in my own life, safety and well being. Self-honesty was extremely difficult for me in the beginning. Sometimes when I said “yes but” to my sponsor she would gently remind me that God gave me two ears and one mouth for a reason. It was time to be quite and listen. Most of us believe that our situation and our circumstances are different. That the problems in our life are unique. But I can assure you that they are not. There will always be someone with something worse going on in their life and some whose problems are not as difficult. I have come to realize that I used “yes but” as my exemption clause. To me it meant that the program and the steps did not apply to me or my situation. Which of course meant that I was in denial. They say in our program that until it is more painful for us to stay the way we are than it is for us to change, we will not change. Not to much in my life changed until I reached the point where my pain was stronger than my pride. I was stunned to learn that I had a pride issue. I thought that I was defeated and without pride. But as long as I said “yes but” I was saying I did not want help except on my terms - and if that is not pride I don’t know what is. A wise sponsor, the fellowship and the program have helped to keep me grounded. Surrounding myself with people who will be honest with me in love is a must. I found people in the program that had the joy, peace and happiness that I wanted. Those were the people that I talked to about my program and my recovery. I was sick and tired of hurting and I trusted only people who had walked my walk and were now happy in there life to mentor me.