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    TIME2BLOOM4ME   142,196
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Breaking Free D/5JF

Thursday, April 25, 2013

The journey on Spark has been a rocky journey filled with deep inner exploration about myself. One thing I have learned is to BELIEVE in MYSELF.

The journey has taught me to MAKE THE BEST OF EVERYTHING. I have been challenged with issues that most other people won't ever face in there life time. The challenges aren't any fun, but they are LESSONS which have taught me to Fight in what is right and to BELIEVE in MYSELF. While I could while or stomp my feet, complain and gripe to everybody it won't change a thing. Its better to be quiet and focus on what I CAN DO.

I look at others struggle with there INNER DEMONS yet they never change a thing. Their life is painful as they don't have the strength to change or the desire. They don't seem to have the ability to take ACTION or RESPONSIBILITY for there issues. They keep feeding ADDICTION unable and unwilling or unable to make a change. I have lived like this, unable to break the cycle of beating the cravings, not taking enough positive action. It finally feels like I am BREAKING FREE.

Watching others STRUGGLES and SUCCESS on Spark makes me feel inspired to take control, to change what I can, to be stronger in my choices, to be TRUE to MYSELF. I feel like I can learn from there pain, as it is a MIRROR of my own pain & STRUGGLES. We share common ground in fighting the daily fight of trying to do the right thing, to make the most out of the daily nutrition I consume.

I am not perfect, but I am trying to improve, to do better each day in my choices. I look to others and admire the paths they walk as they provide an example what what to strive for and what to not do. I still am trying to improve, to change, to release the triggers that try to control me. I am learning like so many are it is possible to change and win. It's a slow journey which I hope to WIN. We are each OTHERS TEACHERS and students.

(My DH struggles with alcoholism his INNER DEMON. I wasn't aware of it for a few years as it was hidden from me. The struggle grows and wanes off and on. His battle is FIERCE. Much worse than food addictions. Watching his struggles is teaching me things I didn't want to learn. It has shown me things I would of been blind to. I am learning a new inner strength to deal with my challenges. I learned what I don't want to be viewed as, an ADDICT to food in comparison to his addiction to alcohol. I don't want to give power to food or to be looked at like a Weak person without self-control. While alcohol has horrible consequences much worse than food, so does food addictions. They both destroy health and lives. In a way his binging is similar to me overeating on any given day. Fortunately his binges are becoming less often, more controlled as he tries to deal with the issue.)

Addictions HURT people. No matter what kind of addiction it is Ex. sugar, white flour, food, soda, alcohol, cheese, chocolate, drugs, texting, shopping, they hurt the person who is addicted and others around them. It affects their health, attitude, personality even if they giggle and say they have the situation under control and can stop when they want to. But can they REALLY. Addictions seem to be embraced as the new normal.

It seems like everyone is boasting online about being addicted to this or that and it's OK. Really ??? Sweets are considered a soft addiction, maybe because the make us soft?

Then there are the caffeine addicts. Caffeine can trigger adrenal fatigue which compounds the issue to needing more caffeine. A vicious cycle.

Are we a nation in Pain?

Why are we so addicted to things that hurt us? Why is it people seem proud that they say, "I am addicted to: fill in the blank."

Food triggers EUPHORIC sensations in our brain similar to cocaine. But honestly do we want to be held prisoner by food or by anything? NOT ME.

Gosh, JUICE FASTING has me doing another DEEP INTROSPECTION. I used to be held prisoner by Pepsi. No longer does it have POWER over me. I have been CLEAN for about a year. LOL, CLEAN from PEPSI !!!

Today the headlines said that 1 soda a day increases our chance of getting diabetes by 30%. WOW. Heart failure is set to spike by 46% in 2030. All these health issues are NUTRITION related.

I made the CHOICE to overcome the Pepsi issues. Yes, I am still working on IMPROVING my WILLPOWER in other departments. Smells of foods get to me. The sight of PIZZA on TV makes me want to grab the phone. It's not as I will give it up forever, once I retrain my BRAIN to think more logically and when I can trust myself I will make the call.

My kitchen is my lab where I try out new combinations of nutritious meals which inspire me to to stick on my life style change.

I am becoming STRONGER by RESISTING TEMPTATIONS the my husband brings into the house. He is not trying to sabotage my diet, but is allowing himself simple pleasures or treats that test my resolve. I cannot expect him to change, but instead must allow myself to GROW in strength and FOCUS on making wise choices that are best for my body. The juice fast has shown me I have more weakness than I would like to admit.

While I can't say I am a true addict to food, I do get intense cravings that are hard to fight. Doing the Juice Fast helps me to fight these battles, be more aware of real needs vs. cravings. It feels as if it helps me to be mindful.

I pondered ending the juice fast because I MESSED up. But I don't think I will. I will PRESS on LEARNING from the knowledge I am experiencing and a DEEP INNER DESIRE TO CHANGE. The juice fast has made me aware of the POWER food has had over me and the choices I can make to CONTROL it.

The JUICE FAST is making me a better person in so many ways. It is teaching me about the difference between HUNGER and CRAVINGS. It's like pressing a reset button. I am learning to battle cravings, to VISUALIZE in my mind MY GOALS, and to PRESS ON even when I mess up instead of giving up.

Anyone want to JOIN ME on a JUICE FAST? You might just receive some enlightening insight and deep personal introspection that will set you on a new path. It's honestly fun.

I am commenting on someone's post about judging others. My husband says I am the least judgmental person he knows. I have walked in the shoes that many people have not ever experienced. I have experienced the abuse from an ex-husband, been accused of doing wrong to him, been homeless from the divorce with 3 small babies. Yes, I saved our lives when I RAN when our lives were in DANGER. I have lived off of food banks when I had not a single penny to my name, but could not get assistance.

Yes, I chose to rise above it, working hard, going to college to be a RN. I have taken care of people from all walks of life addicted, dying, struggling to live with there disability.

People often have judged me through my life. It's not very nice to hear others who were born with a silver spoon to look down there noses at myself and my children when I was struggling to put my life back together.

Unless you walk in someones shoes you don't know what they are going through. Even now people often think I am drunk as my speech slurs with MS and I walk with difficulty, stumbling, trying to balance. My face often looks like I am stoned when the facial droop hits and I loose control of my eye muscles. Heck the politicians would say I am one of the people that live on entitlements or handouts due to the MS taking away my ability to work. I live on less money than most people use to pay there rent.

Thank Goodness I have been Blessed with a variety of Life's EXPERIENCES that have taught me never to judge as who know what has put each person position.

When I blog it is not to judge anyone else. It is my way of working through my issues, its about my inner personal growth and health.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IYA_EKUNDAYO 4/30/2013 3:01PM

    Great blog.
Thank you.

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FLMOMX2 4/29/2013 4:18PM

    emoticon emoticon

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JUMPINJULIE 4/29/2013 1:18AM

    Great blog.

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CLPURNELL 4/26/2013 6:45PM

    Thank you for your blog and all the info very eye opening!

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FARRAH511 4/26/2013 4:41PM

    emoticon emoticon

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CHANGINGSAM 4/26/2013 1:21PM

    This was a wonderful blog. Thanks for sharing as I needed to hear it today. emoticon

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TWINSFITBY40 4/26/2013 12:20PM

    Awesome blog. I can relate to you in so many ways. I wouldn't do the juice fast but I will definitely look at my diet in a different way. I can see how you compare your hubby's addiction to yours. I guess we all have our weaknesses and we all deal with pain in many different ways. I am glad to see that you are learning so much about yourself and also have some insight into why you were eating the way you did. Thank you for sharing and shedding light on a subject many people don't like talking about (addictions). I know that it is difficult for me. I hope you continue to grow throughout your weight loss journey and that your hubby and yourself can be free from any addiction... Blessings to you....Maria emoticon

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STELLASMYBEBE 4/26/2013 10:55AM

    Very deep and honest blog. Thank you for allowing me a glimpse into your life. You are a strong person. emoticon

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    emoticon emoticon

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BEANIES_MOM 4/26/2013 5:13AM


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IKACEY 4/26/2013 4:09AM

    Having lived with an alcoholic I feel your pain. It is good that you are taking responsibility for your own choices only and not his and that you are breaking free from past problems with your eating thru your positive and introspective focused thinking. Keep working on that! Remember this is a life long journey and many things may help you change your life. If you are juice fasting it shows a willingness to try new ways to accomplish your goals which is an emoticon way to be. Don't quit on yourself now. Believe in yourself instead.
IKacey co-leader of the Chair Exercise Team

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PHOENIX1949 4/26/2013 2:39AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LYNNWILK2 4/26/2013 2:13AM

    What an incredibly powerful blog!!!!

You are a strong woman and you are right, you have walked a journey that not too many people have had to experience. Your conviction is inspiring and your relationship with food is healthy (especially after not having choices for so long and having been homeless with 3 children.
Your MS and your injury.
The addictions and the confronting the need to change what makes you unhappy about yourself, with what you can change... the willingness to learn, grow, and make good choices is motivating.
Good luck on your continued journey to healthy living and a place that is a sanctuary!

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JANIEWWJD 4/26/2013 12:40AM

    You truly are an inspiration to others!!!! emoticon

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FRUSTRATEDOMA 4/26/2013 12:16AM


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SCENIC_ROUTE 4/25/2013 9:42PM

    I swear this juicing is like going to a shrink on a minute to minute basis! Good insight and thank you for sharing your journey. emoticon emoticon

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COCK-ROBIN 4/25/2013 9:19PM

    You rock! A real insightful blog.

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KATWELL88 4/25/2013 8:17PM

    Great blog on struggles and victories . emoticon

That why i joined Sparkpeople to remind me we are not alone. emoticon

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1HAPPYSPIRIT 4/25/2013 8:00PM


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LKEITHO 4/25/2013 7:44PM

    Very inspiring! Thanks!

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PATRICIAAK 4/25/2013 7:32PM

    I can relate in more ways than one - formerly married to an alcoholic, pulling myself up by the bootstraps (was on welfare), chronic illness (was on SS Disability), being in the medical field, etc.
I admire that you are willing to strive to be the best you can be despite the obstacles.

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JACKIE542 4/25/2013 6:58PM

    Wonderful blog. So important not to judge. emoticon

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NEWME0519 4/25/2013 6:56PM

    I love you blogs! So creative and informative!

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CMRAND54 4/25/2013 6:41PM


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TIME2BLOOM4ME 4/25/2013 6:28PM

    LIlipat, it's great your husband has control of his drinking now !!! Way to go.

I am grateful my DH's need has been decreasing. I admire his strength.

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CINDHOLM 4/25/2013 5:38PM


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PHATPAT18 4/25/2013 4:37PM

    It is a long and hard journey and with the help of other sparkers, we can do it.

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RACEWELLWON 4/25/2013 4:31PM

    Woo Hoo great blog !! The only one responsible for changing yourself is yourself. Love the soft addiction point - been through all of this myself even with DH - Good luck on the juice fast - LiL Racer emoticon

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LIVE_AMAZINGLY 4/25/2013 4:02PM

    It's really good that you are looking at your food issues, and even looking at others so you get a better focus on yours. But, it does become a fine line between using others experiences for your own personal growth, and judging others. When we judge others we become self-righteous and put up a block to having compassion and understanding of others. That does not do us or others well.

I'm glad you aren't guitting your juice fast just because you slipped. Just put your slip in the back and go on. After all, you will be much further ahead going forward than if you quit because of ONE slip.

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LAURELSPARK 4/25/2013 3:54PM

    Great brought up so many important things.


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LOPEYP 4/25/2013 3:47PM

    Great blog! You sound like a strong woman. I have been considering a short juice detox and may give it a whirl this weekend. Good luck to you!

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SANDRALEET 4/25/2013 3:42PM

    A positive attitude makes the hard time better A negative can make the good times bad

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NATPLUMMER 4/25/2013 3:40PM


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LILPAT3 4/25/2013 2:40PM

    Married to a functional alcoholic that had a heart attack at the age of 47, so I feel your pain.His choices are just that...his choices and your choices are yours. My husband rarely drinks any more and that is all his choice. My choice is to go and do what I have to do...and I do so.
You are strong and you will get done what you must! Awesome blog.

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    I don't want to be addicted to anything either. I'm not a candidate for a juice fast but I do want to be in control of my life and have given up many things I thought I couldn't, like smoking, drinking, binge eating.

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SWEET_CAROLYN 4/25/2013 2:33PM

    OMG, this is so powerful and touching and inspiring! THANK YOU for such an amazing blog!! Great job on breaking your Pepsi addiction!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PINKNFITCARLA 4/25/2013 2:26PM

    emoticon blog!

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123ELAINE456 4/25/2013 2:26PM

  Awesome Blog. You are Doing Fabulous. Keep Pushing Forward. It was very Inspirational with a Very Positive Additude. WTG!!! God Blessings to You and Everyone. Have a Fantastic Day. Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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HIKETOHEIGHTS 4/25/2013 2:11PM

    nice blog, just perfect. loves every single message. well done!

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TIME2BLOOM4ME 4/25/2013 2:03PM

    I agree Kim-Possible. An Alcohol addiction is more serious. He has no desire to stop drinking. He binges off and on. Fortunately it has not affected his finances. It has links to health issues that he is dealing with, yet remains blind to.

It is watching his battle that has in one way made me fight harder against the pull of food cravings. It make me want to fight tooth and nail to win. As the damage from the excess carbs which turns into glucose which or body uses can cause fatty liver and cirrhosis just like alcohol.

In many ways being overweight has similar issues like alcoholics. They are both weakness. Both will cause serious health issues and left untreated both will result in a long, slow death.

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KIM_POSSIBLE77 4/25/2013 1:56PM

    After being married to a man for 7 years that was addicted to booze and drugs I cannot compare my addiction to sugar or coffee to his. His addiction took away a lot of money from our home, made it so that we had to even move in with family. Then at the end he even picked all that over his own family. (not that I mind because my daughter and I are in a FAR better place)
For me there are days that I can go without sugar and even coffee. In fact every few months I drink no coffee and only green tea. I do this so that I can enjoy the taste of my coffee and not drink it just because it is there. While the definition to the word addiction is the same....the things in life we are addicted to are far from the same.

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ERIN1957 4/25/2013 1:41PM

    Clever play on the word soft. Love this blog, so true so real...thank you!

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