Thursday, April 25, 2013
As you know I'm having a competition with my husband( read previous blog if you would like to know more) and yesterday was our first day back to the gym. I was prepared and really excited to start again. That all changed five minutes in on the elliptical... actually it was more like three minutes in,you get the idea. My mind said you can rock this out and do 20 minutes, that's not that long, and it would be over before you knew it. My body said that it was way too much. My husband was on the machine next to me and I could see that at his 20 minutes my machine only said thirteen. I had to stop so many times, I was slow, my arms were shaking and my back was aching. My head throbbed as I got off the machine, I really just wanted to cry.
How could I be that out of shape. I walk around all the time and sure my back hurts now and again, but I've gone shopping longer than than 20 minutes. Maybe it was because all my limbs were going at the same time? It takes a lot of energy to move this weight around, more than I knew. After my 13 minute workout I could hardly breath. At that moment I felt like giving up. There was no way I was going to make it or win the competition, I felt like a failure. I told myself I wasn't coming back.
I came home and ate a healthy vegan meal felt full and content. Still not happy but felt like I made some progress. Late last night I did break and ate food that wasn't good for me. I wasn't hungry just emotional and wanted to eat the feelings away. I felt bad after I did it because I felt like I was self sabotaging myself and I was. How could I do that after I made some changes for the best? I think I still play mind games with myself, wanting to succeed but I get in my own way.
This morning, I was a little depressed because of my actions last night. I stayed in bed longer than usual , trying to think of ways to get out of going to the gym again. After realizing that there was no real reason for not trying again, I got up,put on my gym clothes( even though I wont be going till later this afternoon), almost finished 4 glasses of water and ate my overnight oats. It will take time to appreciate the little changes and progress but I'm trying. This afternoon, I will go back and try the elliptical again. I will work hard every minute I'm on there. All I can do is my best. Today, I'm proud of myself for trying again.
Here's to a beautiful day leading to a brighter and healthier future!