Feeling Extra Chipper Today. It is just a great day to be alive!!
It is just an amazing feeling to know that you are doing everything you can to improve your health, to improve your quality of life, to maybe extend your life.
Two years ago, I was ready to throw in the towel. I felt old. I felt used up. I quit going out with friends. Quit going out much even with DH. Quit going to his company functions. Quit going to most family functions. If you look back through all the photos, I was nowhere to be found - my life was already non-existent, and that was okay with me.
I had just accepted that I was on the downhill side of life. That I would suffer from aches and pains and there was nothing I could do about it. I was hurting physically, I was hurting mentally, I was accepting this as my old age, and I was just ready for it to be over with.
So what changed? Looking back, I am not really sure, but I think it might have something to do with a man (who loves & adores me) & a Harley. As I mentioned earlier this week, when DH got his Harley, I had hoped it was just some sort of "Mid-life I have Arrived" crisis. However I quickly realized that he was going to ride it, with or without me.
Now we are not talking some big fancy touring bike with all the bells and whistles - like extra wide cushy seats, something fit for the Queen of Sheeba. No, We are talking a Sportster. A nice bike, but not a bicycle built for two. Certainly not the size of a 230lb man AND a 270lb woman.
So I knew that I had to ride, or stay home. Staying home would have been fine with me, but I knew he really wanted me with him. And I knew that I did not want to be the old fat chick on the back of the bike. One or the other, I could handle. But not both. And since my fountain of youth was drank dry by the unicorns, that only left trying to lose some weight.
Going to the doctor for help was pointless. I had done it countless times before, but I went once more. It was not my regular doctor, and I was pointed in the direction of bariatric surgery. Given my BMI - (translation - as wide as I was tall) I was a candidate. However my insurance would not pay for it. So I knew that if it was going to happen, I would have to make it happen. It was all up to me. If it is to be, it's up to me..... or some non-sense like that. I really didnt believe yet, but I just knew that somehow, if I was going to lose weight, I would have to figure out how to do it on my own. This last Doctors visit, none of my numbers looked good. I was on the verge of being medicated out my @$$. I really was not ready to give up on living, and I certainly did not want my remaining years to be a burden on my family. So it was time to try to dig down deep and find some bit of strength, some kind of spark.
So I guess that got the ball rolling. But I was rolling uphill. It was a slow go. My head (heart) wasnt really in it yet, I am not sure why not. DH was still riding, but he was riding to work, so about an hour one way, so that 2 hours a day pretty much got it out of his system. Whew, what a relief!! Thank goodness, I could still keep my fat-self in my house.
I can remember laying in bed at night, thinking I might not wake up. I would die of a heart attack in my sleep. Yes it bothered me, but not enough to take action. Then one day for some reason, I just happened to hear a commercial for Dr. Oz. So I watched the show, and started implementing little changes. By the time fall rolled around, I had lost maybe 20lbs. Then I heard about Dr. Oz's Transformation Nation, and my sister and I accepted the challenge.
That same evening, my sister sent me a link to this tracking place, called Sparkpeople. I signed up, but it looked complicated and I was already tracking on my own, so I didnt need it. I told her I was tracking in excel, so why did she even send it to me? Geesh. So I forgot about it.
Then January rolled around. I was making better choices, but nothing much was happening on the scale. I dont know what made me come back to Sparkpeople, but I did. And it made all the difference for me. I began tracking faithfully, and have hardly missed a day since.
Weight loss has definitely not been linear. I have had my starts and stops. But one thing, I have pretty much maintained even with a stop. I am just now coming out of a stop again. It took me a while to even realize it was a stop. I would have a slight gain, followed by a loss just enough to make me think I was gaining ground. I was eating right and all, so I just knew it was a matter of time. Afterall, I felt fantastic!!!
Well once I realized I was pretty much stopped, dead stop, it has taken me a bit to get my groove back on. Now, I have my groove on again! I am hoping I have the formula to take me the rest of the way to my goal.
And what perfect timing. Two years ago today, when I turned 46, I felt 86. I knew I had one foot in the grave. I knew my genetic dice were loaded against me. Now here I am today, turning 48, and I feel... well I dont feel 48 even!! Is 48 the new 28??!! Okay, how about 38?! It doenst matter, it is just a number, but I am so glad to have one more. One more year, one more day - I will take it all!
Regardless of the number, I have learned that I do NOT have to accept the diseases of my parents - like heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, cancer - that took their lives way too soon. I have the power to reverse many things just by making healthy food choices. Now that is power. I can heal, I can reverse, I can at least postpone many of the ailments that 2 years ago I would just lay in bed and say, "Here I am, come get me." Now I am getting out, enjoying life, enjoying my family, riding my horse again, loving every minute I spend with DH both on and off the New harley, and now I am saying, "You will have to catch me first!"