Thursday, April 25, 2013
I think over my time blogging here on Spark, I have pretty much stayed positive. I guess I have had a lot of things to be positive about. I always have felt really positive about my progress and wanted to share that with all of you. I have always wanted to be some sort of inspiration, even if it was just one person, one time. But this isn't a typical blog from me. This is me, opening up to you guys about what has been going on the last few weeks.
For the better part of 11 months, I really hadn't had that "roller coaster" on my weight-loss journey. I had really been on a pretty steady drop right from the beginning. I really hadn't faced any adversity along the way. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't easy. I had days where I didn't stick to my diet plan and there were days where I didn't get in all of the fitness minutes that I wanted to. I had some minor injuries (back, knee, and shoulder) that I worked through and even worked through a double ear infection. But the real key to my success, was limiting those things to just one day every once in awhile. I didn't allow those things to snowball. I learned from what happened and I was able to put that behind me to move on. To move forward and to keep succeeding. Well, that is until about 3 weeks ago.
I really don't know what was the cause of my back slide. I don't think I can really pinpoint one specific thing, but more like a number of things that I let get to me. Probably the first and most important thing is that I got complacent and satisfied with where I was. I had lost nearly 143 lbs. in 11 months and I was on track to reach my goal in the very near future. You would think that with my goal just 24 lbs. away that I would be hyper focused on doing everything I can to make my goal. At least, I would have thought myself that I would have been like that. Apparently not. I also started to let my feelings of being alone get to me. I tend to over think matters of the heart and let them get me down if I really dwell on them. I really let being single get me down and I did dwell on it a little too much. It played a part in me falling off my track as well.
Somewhere after the first of April, I lost my way. I lost my motivation. I lost my focus. I lost my spark. I lost...IT.
I was inconsistent with my workouts. I still did my workout program videos most days but I didn't do anything extra. I didn't do my C25K program. I didn't walk. I didn't lift weights. I didn't Spark much. As far as my eating went, it was all over the map. Some days I did just about as well as I had been doing over the last 11 months. Other days, not so much. There where some days where I fell back into old habits of mindlessly snacking when bored and/or tired. There were nights where I would binge on things that I didn't even necessarily want but ate just because I wanted something to do.
You know what the crazy thing was? I hated myself for it afterwards. When I say that I hated myself, that is absolutely what I mean. I HATER myself for it. But, I would promise myself that I would not do it the next day or the next day, but I did. I would start the next day great but by later in the day, the train would be way off the tracks and I would be sitting here wondering what the heck was I doing? What was going on? Was I going to let myself really do this again after all of the hard work and progress over the proceeding 11 months? Was I?
The answer is NO. No I will not. Maybe the last 3 weeks was a test. Maybe it was a bump in the road. Heck, it was more like a mountain in the road but I am happy to say that I feel like I have passed that mountain. I have been back on track the last 2 days and I feel like I am in complete control again! Nothing makes me happier than to actually type those words in this blog.
The last two days have not been easy. I have been tempted and I have almost slipped a couple of times. But I keep telling myself that I WILL NOT BREAK! I keep telling myself that I WILL BEAT THIS! I keep telling myself that I AM IN CONTROL!
But I can not take all of the credit for my turnaround the last two days. I have to give my dear friend Michelle (@STEELKICKIN as you may know her on Spark) a lot of credit for helping me through this hard time. I know Michelle will probably say that she really didn't do anything but that isn't true! She allowed me to vent my frustrations and gave me loving encouragement and advice that means more to me than I could ever say! She has been a true angel for me through my journey here on Spark and a true inspiration! A real pilar of strength. I want to thank her from the bottom of my heart for everything that she has helped me with and taught me along the way. I am blessed to have met her here on Spark and blessed that I can call her my friend away from Spark! She is the best! I love you Michelle!
All of you have been really helpful along the way over the last year. All of your support and kind words are all special to me. I don't think I could have ever gotten as far as I have without all of you. THANK YOU!
But with all of that said, I still have work to finish. I still have work to do. I will not quit!
I fell down. But I am standing up now and dusting myself off!
This is me, Brad, barring my demons of the last few weeks. This is me, Brad, pledging that I will not let those demons beat me! This is me, Brad, saying that...
I WILL WIN THIS FIGHT.
I WILL FINISH THIS JOURNEY.
I WILL EMBRACE THE POSSIBILITIES.
Good Day Sparkville