Thursday, April 25, 2013
Today (yesterday, because it's after midnight) has been like a dream. I'm overly aware that I've somehow "fallen off the wagon" this month, but I can't exactly pinpoint when it happened. I haven't been tracking my food (I start counting calories in the morning, but by the end of the day it's a munching free for all), I haven't been grocery shopping and instead eat out like 90% of my meals, and I haven't even been on spark for ten days. It's like I'm a completely different person.
The hard, cold truth is that I've gained 3.6 pounds. Getting on the scale for the first time this month was probably what triggered a sudden moment of clarity in this hazy backsliding.
So now's the time to have a "come to Jesus moment" with myself. As they say. Am I still dedicated to this journey I started a year ago? Is the desire, the spark, the ambition still there inside of me? Is this weight gain and departure from all my hard work a brief interlude, or the path I'm set to follow from here on out? Maybe put more simply... what do I want? Ha, isn't that always the question.
I wish I could say the answer is an undoubted "Yes! Of course! I am dedicated! I can do this!" But honestly I can't at this moment. Maybe it's because I'm still in an emotional funk, or just too tired and hyped on energy drinks. It's hard to focus in the middle of the week. These days work is so draining I am unable to do more than come home and wallow in Netflix and snack foods in order to recuperate. I guess that makes me emotionally weak.
I need to get back on track somehow. I can't rely on the feeble hope that my inspiration and motivation will suddenly return and make it easy. I have to work at changing my little habits one at a time. Perhaps I should change my sleep schedule so I have enough time in the mornings to cook and grocery shop before work. I need to find access to a pool so I can start swimming again. Increase my water and vitamin intake and such. Maybe I'll feel better when I get off the fast and processed foods I've been relying on these past few weeks.
I've got a lot to think about. At least I'm not going to verbally commit to something without thinking this through.
We'll just have to see how things go. Hopefully this serves as a turning point in the right direction. I'll do my best to get back on spark, blog more, comment more, and see if there are any recipes that spark my imagination.
Hoping that everyone out there is having a much better time that I have been! You all seriously have been a great inspirations in the past! Keep being amazing, and I'll do my best to do the same!