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    BROADBRUSH   16,752
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disturbing one's personal space ---

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

i never realized how many people in my life are 'pot stirrers' - like to dish the dirt etc.
i always try to take comments in a good light - but as i have gotten older i see many times i was actually being 'centered out', insulted, belittled etc. wow, how stupid i am.
in a way it is a blessing - or i may have never spoken to them again - but now i will have to stand up for myself when this occurs.
here are some examples - at many family events - both casual and formal - i have had a cousin, husband, aunt etc - come into my personal space, look at my plate and criticize what is on it. 'why did you add dressing to your salad?' ' do you need that dinner roll', 'i can't believe you are having pie - are you not watching you weight anymore?"

i have had one cousin in particular accost me with the fact that one of my children is quite obese - why was i not doing something about it??? this child is a grown adult and did not develop this problem until long after he graduated university and moved out of my home. but that seems to not make any difference - every time he has a chance to say it he does.
i feel mortified - and i do not want to create spectacle (the last time was at a funeral dinner) but i need to stop it.

what surprises me is that so many of these people have had (or still have) weight problems themselves. you would think they would understand - instead i feel like a voodoo doll - keep sticking it to me!

have you had this happen to you - is it still happening - how can we deal with this as i refuse to become an avoider.

thanks -
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LALMEIDA 5/6/2013 7:48PM

  It stirs me up too when other people comment about what I eat. Growing up it was not an issue of how much was on my plate but what was or wasn't on my plate. The last few times that my uncle commented I just told him "yup, no green veggies." I then changed the subject and talked about sports with him. Sometimes I reminded him that I wasn't a child anymore and that I will eat as I choose. The next gathering he did not comment. Looking back, I know that he was doing it out of love and concern and probably because he still sees me as his little niece. Now, I can have a nice conversation with him. For your situation it may be different. It could be out of concern or it could be more to make themselves feel better. Either way, I would let them know politely that it need not be their concern and leave it at that. emoticon

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SWEETYOUNGTHING 4/26/2013 6:13AM

    How timely! I'm going to visit my mother this weekend and she's already criticizing how I eat (I'm a vegan) and calling me names - this has been all my life with her. It's exhausting and it really pushes her away from me.

I don't have any advice because I know, first hand, how tiring it is. I'm just going to tell her nicely to mind her own business and stop criticizing me. We'll see how that goes.

Let me know if you have any insights to share! Good luck, Pat

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RAINBOWFALLS 4/25/2013 9:57AM

    I don't have this happen to me and I hope you find a way to stop it. You do not deserve this and when you get a chance please ask them to stop. emoticon

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KATHRYNLP 4/25/2013 9:57AM

    These people are called Saboteurs... and are jealous of any positive changes we may be doing for ourselves. Also, they're just plain mean people. They count on our 'good nature' in order to get away with such crude remarks. Don't worry about hurting their feelings, they're not concerned with yours. Just say.. "Mind our own business, and I'll mind mine".... loud enough for everyone to hear. They won't try it again. emoticon emoticon

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SAINTBERNARD6 4/24/2013 5:14PM

    perhaps telling them "God loves me anyway I am" will shake them up a bit.

Maybe they are expressing their own feeling of inadequacy.

Or asking, "Now just what would like me to do since they are a grown person now?



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HAPPYMENOW58 4/24/2013 4:28PM

    I hear ya! It is so upsetting when we get cruel remarks! I was once given a fat zinger by an old man sitting next to me in church! I felt badly the entire day over it....I really wish I would've given him a zinger back....hindsight is always 20/20..right?! In giving it some thought, I think we should have some rehearsed remarks that we can say as our comebacks...Such as, Ouch, that remark hurts my feelings ....I GUESS you didn't mean it to come out that way, right? and then just walk away?...It is a shame that there is so much fat prejudice out there....VERY TIRING?. hang in there...You're not the only one experiencing it....Keep sparking! emoticon




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