Wednesday, April 24, 2013
I was suppose to go and see my son last night. Gary called me on Monday night to say that he didn't want to go. I was PO"d to say the least as he said that we would go. I realize that it is a long drive out there, even longer for him. I know when I pick my Mom up it is 170 miles round trip. However, he did say that he would take me and I was really looking forward to getting some answers and seeing my son. I did tell him that I was very disappointed.
He called yesterday morning to say that he would take me if his day went as planned. Right now he is flipping about 6 cars and is very busy getting them ready. He has 2 on ebay right now. I think he is finding out that Joy did contribute to the household and it wasn't all him, though she did spend spend spend.
Easter Sunday I was with my family. My face started going numb, like I was given novacane. I didn't say anything to anyone because we were having such a good time. On the way home while driving, my vision started getting blurry. This is nothing new, for months now I have been saying I have to have my eyes examined. I can't find a Dr. that takes medicaid. My Mom has been after me and I just keep saying yeah, I will. If it is not happening, I don't think of it. Anyway, I digress, by the next morning it was basically gone. I thought no more of it. This past Saturday, it happened again. I looked it up on WEBMD and it said if I was having other symptoms it may be a stroke but I wasn't having the other symptoms. I hate going to the ER. I was just there a couple days earlier and waited for hours. I was then told to see my gynecologist. I don't have one. Within a couple days I have headache and my neck is stiff. My hands are tingling more than normal and my back is killing me. I am using a cane again because my knees give out when I am walking. What is going on? Now I am getting scared, too scared to go to the Dr.
Yesterday I did call Dr. B. and he had me go for an MRI. He just called me and I have pinched nerves in the neck, which is probably what is causing me face to be numb, feels like I just went to the dentist, and my hands and shoulders to tingle. My back has degenerated more since the last MRI and the right knee has always been bone against bone and now the left knee is bone against bone. I told him great, shoot me, if I were a horse they would shoot me. He told me to cease all exercising until I can see Dr. Froeb, not the PA, he wants me to see the Dr. They will then consult and decide on a course of action.
About the only thing he said I can continue to do is walk laps. However, I got out of bed this morning and nearly collapsed. I can't walk because my knee gives way. I am walking a little bit with the cane every half hour to see if it was from sleeping wrong or it I can loosen it up.
Gary got mad at me yesterday when I told him I couldn't go to see Paul because I didn't feel that I could sit in the car for that length of time. He just doesn't understand anything. Now he won't take me any other time because he said he told me he would take me Tuesday, I didn't want to go. I will just have to take the trip by myself or wait until my Mom can go again. I will write to Paul today and ask him what is the outcome of his throat and if he has done the biopsy or even if they are going to do it. I know he doesn't want me worrying so I just don't know if he will tell me the truth. I know in person when Paul is lying, his eyes give him away. I can't tell through letters, so I will never have real peace of mind until I see my son.
Emotionally right now I am in a spot where I just say what the f. I give up. I can't take this sh*t any longer. Paul, Gary, the pain, the pain is both physical and emotional. I am exercising, eating right for the most part and for what? Supposedly to live a healthy life, well, I am not living a healthy life. Unhealthy things are still happening. I may as well be eating cookies, ice cream and candy, and be happily miserable.