Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Okay, I really just need to vent. So frustrated with my living situation! I live with my boyfriend and his mom who is mentally disabled. His mom always comes first. He says he puts me first but he doesn't. It is always Savannah hurt her feelings. It doesn't matter if MY feelings are hurt. ARGH!
In addition to that, when I go to my boyfriend about something he is doing that hurts my feelings, he brushes it aside or he mocks me about it for the next day or so. It makes me feel like they aren't important and are dismissed. The recent was, "Oh, we wouldn't want to make Savannah upset or cry." This is hurtful. Like my emotions are not important. They ARE important!!!
I am a caring, compassionate person. This means I ask others what they want and will sacrifice myself for THEIR happiness. The problem is my boyfriend and his mom don't seem to do the same for me. Especially his mom. This morning she put on a horror movie while I am hanging out in the room even through she knows I don't like horror.
In addition to that, I feel my sensitiveness to myself and others is slammed on alot. My boyfriend repeatedly mocks how I am too sensitiveness and he is just kidding. There is only SO much kidding. With all the mocking, pretty much anything I sincerely tell him, I tell him less and well, I tell YOU, my spark friends, more.
So frustrated. I don't want to leave but as this keep occurring, I see no choice. I see my self esteem going down. I don't want my children (who I don't have yet, lol) growing up in this kind of environment, where they feel they cannot show their emotions. Show them. Deal with them healthy. I do feel I love him but I think I need more than that.
Thanks for listening!