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    SUNSHINE192DAY   71,580
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Retirement Funny!


Tuesday, April 23, 2013

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'.
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn
resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers
he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding
department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed,
'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
BARBARASDIET 4/28/2013 3:04PM

    funny!

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AWESOMECHELZ 4/24/2013 4:58AM

    It has been a while since i laughed so much!! I LOVED it! I hope it is okay to share with my friends (your blog, I mean). This is the best joke yet. emoticon
Love, Chelsea emoticon

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SHAPINGUP4ME247 4/23/2013 10:01PM

    I really needed a laugh and this blog provided it. Thanks!!

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PLATINUM755 4/23/2013 8:52PM

    emoticon

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TANYAMWA 4/23/2013 6:30PM

    emoticon

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OVERACTIVEELBOW 4/23/2013 6:28PM

    Yes, His brother did the same things in a Walmart !!

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WORKOUTWITHPAM 4/23/2013 5:47PM

    emoticon emoticon

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GRAMMY_22 4/23/2013 4:43PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MILPAM3 4/23/2013 3:50PM

  LOL...thanks for the humor release

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TWEETYKC00 4/23/2013 3:05PM

    gotta love men while shopping! lol

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BLUEROSE73 4/23/2013 12:09PM

    emoticon

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JLEMUS1 4/23/2013 11:36AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PMFISH 4/23/2013 11:16AM

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ELLENIRENE 4/23/2013 11:06AM

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CAROLJEAN64 4/23/2013 11:01AM

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STEPHANIE302013 4/23/2013 11:01AM

    haha!

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KLMEIRING 4/23/2013 10:59AM

    emoticon

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CAROL494 4/23/2013 10:57AM

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