Monday, April 22, 2013
Your brief words of encouragement and comfort would be wonderful at this moment.
I have become a prisoner to my anxiety, unwanted negative thoughts coming from anxiety and its been gnawing away at my days (about two weeks.)
I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder (panic attacks) and OCD when I was 20 years old. I wake up in a state of panic now and often find myself shaking/ ‘panicked’ breathing throughout the day, I am having trouble even exercising (it doesn’t seem to help much but does get accomplished.). I find myself sometimes in tears with the sensation of needing to crawl out of my skin.
This was very much under control…
Until I began interviewing for my dream teaching job about a month ago. I needn’t go through the story again (it’s in other blog entries) but I have badly wanted this job for three years and now I am so close, passed my second interview and patiently awaiting what comes next---I have been waiting for two weeks and that is feeding a great deal of my extreme angst. In many fields two weeks would mark a critical point of perhaps concluding it isn’t happening; in my case where so much needs to be verified/approved by various entities quite possibly not but HORRIBLE negative outcomes plague my mind.
I can’t help it. This job search has been so arduous, so painful and disappointing and now to be so close but have the imprints of all the past disappointment/disillusionment are causing me current, unbelievable pain.