Monday, April 22, 2013
I'm really starting to realize that food addiction is really no joke. It's just like alcohol. It keeps a tight grip on you, and even though you may think you've overcome it, it will rear it's ugly head and knock you right back down on your arse again. 5 steps forward, 15 steps back. The last two weeks were definitely not good. I barely worked out, and I are whatever I want with no moderation or consideration to my stomach or my health. I even drank a lot of soda, which is so bad because I hadn't drank any kind of soda in a long time. To everyone else, it seems so easy to stop to them. They just say it takes a little willpower. Or to just walk away from the kitchen. But when you're addicted to food, it's not that easy. You may plan to have just one taste, but that generally throws you into a binge. And you can't just forbid yourself to have treats, because THAT will lead to a binge (whether its instant or down the line). It's such a sticky situation that I can't find a way to control. There was a day last week where I'm pretty certain I spent every single minute of my day eating. It was like I was watching myself do it, but I wasn't in control. It was like a broken record stuck on a loop. Walk to kitchen, get food, walk to couch, eat. Rinse and repeat for an entire day. By the end of the day I felt sick and stuffed, but it still wasn't enough to make me stop! I can't even bring myself to get on the scale (partially because its that TOM and partially because I'm scared to see the damage). So I plan to wait a while before getting on it. I gotta focus on stopping the binging, and get back to healthy eating. I also need to get back to the gym, starting tomorrow.
The good news about today is that I have officially decided that I will be running my first 5k in December. The Color Run is coming to Tucson, and I've been dying to do it for a few years now. So this time, I'm gonna do it. I'm going to register next week when I get paid, that way it's set in stone. Two months prior, I'm gonna start the c25k program so that by race day, I will be ready! My goal is to run the entire thing without stopping. I want to lose as much weight as I can by then, because less weight means a lighter and easier run. Plus, I want to run in shorts. I'm very excited, and I hope that it turns out the way I picture it in my mind.
I'm taking things one day at a time right now. I can't keep looking at the huge picture, because its bringing me down.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
I've been reading quite a few of your blogs today and this resonates with me. I am also doing the color run, on June 29th, and I need to get my ass in gear. I am 100% in agreement with you about the addiction to food being the same as the addiction to alcohol. It's not easy to ditch the food, even if you do feel sick and stuffed already. I also keep saying "I'll get up early to go running tomorrow" or "I'll go to the gym after work tomorrow"..... Tomorrow is HERE, gym bag is in my truck and ready to go when I finish work. The problem for me is fighting the exhaustion on the way to the gym! I am always soooo tired when I finish work and just want to go to bed. Not today!
I'm adding you as a spark friend, let's do this together!
1675 days ago
yep! one day at a time!! I dont drink pop anymore either,but yesterday I found myself pouring 2 glasses of it!!! aaaahhhh!
1696 days ago
There are a lot of us out here with the same battle. Let's share and learn from oneanother and see if we can't beat this thing.
1697 days ago
I am right there with you! It is SO hard!! Everyday is a battle and not like cigarettes where you can just not buy it. We'll get there though! :) One day at a time! One battle won at a time!
1697 days ago
I can completely relate!! I am so frustrated because it's like I was doing so well for so long, I had speed bumps, but it was a year I did this and kept trying and the actions got easier. But the food gets in my head. It may sound crazy but it does, like I will get something in my head, something specific, like I need mcnuggets from Mcdonalds, and I will fight it and fight it but keep thinking about it until I finally have it (or whatever it is)... which wouldn't even be that bad, BUT then it is something else and something else. I think that is part of the reason I have been struggling, is because (and maybe you can relate to this), I am still relatively young, and for this to be something I am going to have to battle for the rest of my life is an exhausting thought. It really is. I don't mind having to watch what I eat, track food, and exercising for the rest of my life. I have come to terms with that, but the constant struggle mentally, emotionally, physically with food is what really kills me. I know that wasn't really helpful, but I am still learning to cope myself, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone in your thoughts.
I know it is worth it and we have to keep pushing and you can dig yourself out of this hole. I am only on day 3 and fighting tooth a nail to make it a good week... we can do this, one day and one meal at a time.
1697 days ago
Food addiction is very powerful and unlike drugs and alcohol- you can't just say I will never be around it again because we still have to eat and as is true with many addictions- relapsing is part of the process. I think all we can do is keep moving forward and learning tips and strategies to help us do better the next time. Tracking and planning ahead are our best tools- I used to think I can't plan what I am going to eat forever but I have changed my mind- if I was allergic to something or a diabetic I would have to learn to plan and keep track of things. This is just as important.
1697 days ago
Oh man, I had a few days like this myself this weekend. I don't know how it happens, but sometimes you just lose a few days into an eating black hole. If you don't mind my unsolicited advice - there's no point beating yourself up about it. The scale will take care of that for you (just kidding! kind of ). You can't change what happened, so you might as well move on.
In the end, you do your best every day. Some days your best is better than others. Sometimes my best is eating the right portions of fruits, veggies, proteins and carbs AND getting a killer workout in. Those days rock. Sometimes the best I can do is throw something I'm currently eating into the garbage disposal so I don't eat the whole thing. I'm not perfect (and if you're human, neither are you), but each day is a new day.
Do your best to make today better than yesterday and you're making progress. And progress is what we're going for, right?
1697 days ago
First of all, your background makes me smile :) Whovians forever! :)
Second of all, take it easy. Don't be so hard on yourself. I understand food addiction and the complications and concerns it causes in our motivation and self-image. But you are still a girl who has it in her to fight through, even after gaining back weight or messing up. You beat it once, you can do it again. Sometimes, we get in this rut of "I messed up" so deeply that we can't get ourselves out for a long time because we're even more depressed. Stay strong and motivate yourself with reminders of how far you have come before and can come again, maybe even further.
Thinking about you.
1697 days ago
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