Monday, April 22, 2013
I'm really starting to realize that food addiction is really no joke. It's just like alcohol. It keeps a tight grip on you, and even though you may think you've overcome it, it will rear it's ugly head and knock you right back down on your arse again. 5 steps forward, 15 steps back. The last two weeks were definitely not good. I barely worked out, and I are whatever I want with no moderation or consideration to my stomach or my health. I even drank a lot of soda, which is so bad because I hadn't drank any kind of soda in a long time. To everyone else, it seems so easy to stop to them. They just say it takes a little willpower. Or to just walk away from the kitchen. But when you're addicted to food, it's not that easy. You may plan to have just one taste, but that generally throws you into a binge. And you can't just forbid yourself to have treats, because THAT will lead to a binge (whether its instant or down the line). It's such a sticky situation that I can't find a way to control. There was a day last week where I'm pretty certain I spent every single minute of my day eating. It was like I was watching myself do it, but I wasn't in control. It was like a broken record stuck on a loop. Walk to kitchen, get food, walk to couch, eat. Rinse and repeat for an entire day. By the end of the day I felt sick and stuffed, but it still wasn't enough to make me stop! I can't even bring myself to get on the scale (partially because its that TOM and partially because I'm scared to see the damage). So I plan to wait a while before getting on it. I gotta focus on stopping the binging, and get back to healthy eating. I also need to get back to the gym, starting tomorrow.
The good news about today is that I have officially decided that I will be running my first 5k in December. The Color Run is coming to Tucson, and I've been dying to do it for a few years now. So this time, I'm gonna do it. I'm going to register next week when I get paid, that way it's set in stone. Two months prior, I'm gonna start the c25k program so that by race day, I will be ready! My goal is to run the entire thing without stopping. I want to lose as much weight as I can by then, because less weight means a lighter and easier run. Plus, I want to run in shorts. I'm very excited, and I hope that it turns out the way I picture it in my mind.
I'm taking things one day at a time right now. I can't keep looking at the huge picture, because its bringing me down.